Mark's Blog

Protecting Against Liability versus HelpIng

2011-06-08T22:42:00.004-05:00

Today the chair of a non-profit board I belong to that serves the unsheltered homeless resigned over concerns about liability.

This brings up an interesting issue. Seems that concern about liability is essentially the same as concern about self. How compatible is it with love and helpfulness? Is love concerned about our liability? I suppose it could be if what we are protecting is our ability to care for the ones we love. One sure way to be free of any liability is to not help anyone but yourself.

I understand that we need to be wise and careful in our efforts to help a group with problems. It may not be healthy or right to cross certain boundaries, whether they are legal or personal. But how do you, or can you even properly balance concerns with liability with the desire to be helpful? Seems you can't have it both ways. Often to be helpful you have to expose yourself to some liability. This may be especially true with those that our system has failed or even ostracized.

2011-04-27T21:54:00.000-05:00

I am learning that God loves those that are oppressed by poverty, mental illness, substance abuse, family problems, and all the other factors that make one not fit into the dominant culture. Many are burdened with several of these factors at the same time. They are so deep in their mess.

Tonight at the NCCZ

2011-04-15T00:13:00.001-05:00

We have been working with a group of women that are transitioning out of homelessness. They come into the home as the are, with only one rule - no violence. All other issues can be worked on when they are in the house. This housing first approach is different than the typical shelters which require a person to get their act together before they can be housed.

So, you end up with some women that are fairly well bogged down in the quagmire of a life of dysfunction. They are so mired in their own stuff that our connection with them is tenuous. Keith had a vision where they were drowning inside a small fishbowl and he was standing outside banging on the class to get there attention and tell them how to get out, but they were so absorbed and emeshed in their quagmire that they barely sense your presence and cannot hear what you are saying. What do you do in a situation like this? You could boldly preach the gospel to them, but it might come with a truckload of manure. That is, they would be unable to attend to you message. They are so self-absorbed in thier own muck that they would be incapable of hearing your message of truth.

So you stop trying to rescue them. Instead, you place your hand on the glass and wait. Maybe they will notice and pull themselves enough out of their own quagmire to place their had on the opposite side to the glass up to yours. A connection.

Tonight, Under the Bridge: Final Edition

2011-03-23T01:50:00.000-05:00

I met a pitiful man under the bridge tonight. He was in his 50’s and living on the streets of the city he grew up in. He admitted to having an alcohol problem. As he was talking, I could see the few teeth he had in his head and the tremor in his jaw. His nervous system was clearly jacked up, maybe from drugs, but just as likely from his broken brain. He described how he has suffered from manic-depression for most of his life and how he has been on multiple medications to no avail. In some ways, mental illness is worse than physical illness; it tends to have moral connotations and stigma. I have seen firsthand how medications frequently are not specific or effective enough. Although there has been progress, we certainly have not arrived in mental health intervention. When the system fails, too often self-medication becomes an effective, if temporary and ill-fated, means of stopping the pain; unfortunatetly the alternative is not much better. We should have compassion on this poor man. Until then, he is thrown out on the streets until such time as he is able to pull himself up by his bootstraps.

* * * *

Tonight was somewhat of a circus. I counted at least 4 different groups under the bridge. Three different meals had been served between 5 and 7 pm. There was the obligatory sermon prior to the third meal. There were the overly ebullient workers and a niave leader walking around with his shoulders back. There were the TV cameras, of course. Lots of egos got stroked tonight at the expense of the poor, with minimal inconvenience. Was anyone helped?

I think they will do fine without my presence down there.

Not far from the bridge, I saw a group meeting to strategizing about how they can be of help to the homeless.

I apologize for my cynicsm. I speak from firsthand experience. I too am guilty. Guide us please. Offer an alternative for those who want to help.

The Education of Mark

2011-03-21T22:34:00.000-05:00

I have been helping run the house meetings for a transitional home for homeless women. They have been teaching me some interesting things about life on the streets, living a life of tragedy, and trying to pull oneself from the quagmire. If I get the time, I hope to blog on some of them.

More Interesting than Rob Bell

2011-03-15T22:35:00.002-05:00

My last post was some pretty crappy writing, but it was late and it was a blog (which are all "shitty first drafts").

As a follow-up, once there was a lot full of tents, then there wasn't. And tent-giving away guy wept. Not all of the tents and sleeping bags were sold for drugs. Some of them were just sold for cash. There were better things they needed then a tent or sleeping bag. The homeless are pretty resourceful. If they want a sleeping bag, they can get one. The issue here is the difference between what we think they need versus what they think they need. It is some sort of projection to transfer our needs onto someone else.

Keith told me story of a rich person in town who decided he wanted to buy every child in the East Gate housing project a new bicycle, which apparently, STEP agreed to do at the time (though I think they have since learned). So, every kid got a brand new bike. Rich guy was proud and felt good. Kids were on bikes everywhere for a week. Gradually, less and less kids were seen on bikes. Trash cans became full of bike parts. Within weeks, no bikes. Not sure if rich guy hung around long enough to see and weep.

I am certain that some of the handmade beds we built and gave away were sold. I could tell you some wild stories about some of them. We too were naive. We wanted to be the kind of people that gave away beds to poor kids, just like the rich guy wanted to be the kind of person who gives every kid in a project a new bike, just like the tent/sleeping back guy wanted to be the kind of person who gives away tents and sleeping bags. Good intentions, they make good paving stones. We got something. We accessed compassion within ourselves. That compassion motivated us to put in lots of money and work. In terms of helping, though, we missed the mark. They knew we missed the mark. They see lots of this. We train them.

I hope the rich guy and the tent/sleeping bag giver guy are still in the game. Perhaps we can meet and swap stories around my fire pit after building some beds. We could talk about what we learned. When you do something that radical, things happen, maybe not what we expect, but they do happen. And what does happen does a number on our attitude. It can either further entrench us in our stereotype and drive us from the game, or we can confront the experience head on and examine our own stupidity and self-interest. The later is a great place to start. Feedback is a key mechanism for change. The tent/sleeping bag guy got help from God through a crack dealer. He saw the wrongness of the situation and cared enough about what tent man was doing to give him feedback. A little prayer of examen and prayer of consciousness would be a dynamite thing to do after getting that feedback. It would be transformative.

So, what do you think rich guy and tent guy? If you are still in the game, come hang out with me and let's learn together how to love exceptionally. Let's go give things away again, only this time, lets be responsive to the feedback we obtained. Let's go find out what they need that would help, they let's give it to them. Then let's come back my fire pit and process it together.

The Man with the Love Grass in his Hand

2011-03-02T23:20:00.001-06:00

Last week, a homeless man under the bridge relayed a story about a local Christian person handing out tents and sleeping bags to "anyone." I think I know what the tent and sleeping bag giving person was doing. Like me, he probably was just trying to be a different person, one who would give freely with no questions asked. A noble spiritual formation goal.

A crack dealer finally went to the tent/sleeping bag giving person to tell him/her that many of the tents and bags were being sold for a fraction of their worth and the money was being used to buy crack.

A soul started a noble journey alone with out a guide. He needed some feedback from someone that could sense the Wind. I guess none of Jesus' followers were paying attention. No problem. The Spirit moves, undeterred, like the wind looking for an attentive and willing soul to establish a beachhead for the kingdom. Someone was paying attention. He was an unlikely character. He had tapped into the goodness and obeyed. He must of been a crack dealer, you know, the man with the love grass in his hands, rather than a pusher (who is not a natural man, GD). Just like the Wind, impartial about who carries out the work of the kingdom, they just need to be attentive and willing.

The Wind used a crack dealer to direct the tent/sleeping bag giver, and a homeless man to direct me to not be so naive. First do not harm. Let's not pursue our own spiritual formation at the expense of some poor addict. Part of what we need to learn is how to really help. Helping is a means to spiritual formation. Let's not let spiritual formation get in the way of helping.

Thanks homeless man. Thanks dealer. You did the right thing. Maybe someday we can recline at table and smoke some of that love grass in your hand.

Sin is In

2011-02-27T22:52:00.000-06:00

We live down the street from a small church that felt a need to spend their money to put up a sign so they could post cute sayings on it each week. (I bet a church could buy a book of cute sayings to put on their church signs) A recent cute saying on their sign was "Sin is Sin." Each time Jack and I drove past the sign, we were determined to dress up in black and, at midnight, go take off the second S.

At the NCCZ a couple of weeks ago, we were discussing some problems a person we were helping was having. At one point in the discussion, G. said, “You know, it’s a sin issue.”

I had an aversive reaction to the statement initially. I wanted to disagree with the statement, that way I could avoid having to use that language. I did some research on the definition of sin so that I could formulate my argument against it. I went right to the source of true definitions, dictionary.com:

Sin
–noun
1. transgression of divine law: the sin of Adam.
2. any act regarded as such a transgression, especially a willful or deliberate violation of some religious or moral principle.

–verb (used without object)
4. to commit a sinful act.
5. to offend against a principle, standard, etc.

I actually like #2 and #5, the idea of a violation of some principle. Darn it, this wasn’t helping my case. But the more I thought about it, the more I liked those definitions of sin.

Lots of principles, if violated, will create problems for us. If you violate the physical principle of your body needing sufficient sleep, your life will not go as well as it could if you followed the principle. There are many physical, psychological, and social principles that, if followed, will result in a better life. Similarly, there are moral principles that, if followed, will result in a better life. With this definition, I found myself agreeing with G, it was a sin issue; however, I still do not like to phrase it that way.

If you want to kill a helping relationship, tell the person you are helping that they have a sin issue. Try it this week. When you notice someone who is suffering in some way because they violated some principle, go up to them and tell them that they are sinning, and then see how it goes.

I was in a therapy session last week with a teen who was complaining about some physical and psychological symptoms. He had been reading up on a disorder that he thought he had. After asking him some questions about his life, it became apparent that he was not getting enough sleep. He was getting less than 6 hours a night because he was doing the teen thing. Of course, he was yawning as we were talking. Principle: teens need more sleep than adults, as much as 9 hours.

He had a sin issue. I could have told him that he was sinning and needed to repent, which by the above definition would have been true. God designed us to need at least 8 hours sleep. Life is better when you follow the design. But, of course, I did not state it this way to him. I told him that at least part of his problem was that he was not getting enough sleep. We talked about how much sleep people need and the effects of sleep deprivation.

He reflectively stated, “Could it be that simple?”

I said, “Yes, it may not solve all your problems, but it is a good place to start. Do an experiment; try getting at least 8 to 9 hours sleep and see how you feel.”

K. accuses me of making up words or phrases to replace church words. I do that because of the baggage that has become associated with church words. When people hear you talk about their sin, the word that is conditioned to come up in their minds is moralize.

mor•al•ize: to reflect on or express opinions about something in terms of right and wrong, especially in a self-righteous or tiresome way.

Or maybe they have thoughts of judgment, condemnation, and angry god, or some sour prude with a bible in one hand and hatchet in the other.

Who wants any of those associations?

Rather than kill the relationship with sin talk, maybe we should help them see the principle they are violating, or, preferably, help them see how following the principle would lead to a better way of living.

Let's Destroy a Bed

2011-02-23T11:47:00.000-06:00

The Bed Project meets again on Thursday night at 7:00 pm. For a change of pace, we will destroy a bed. We need to test the safety of the new design and find the failure points. Always wanted to have a dog-pile and jump on a bed, but your momma wouldn't let you? Now is your chance.

Here are the tests and pass/failure criteria per our resident engineer.

1. Static load test. (gradually apply 800lbs one body at a time)
• No sign of failure at 800lbs. Some creaking allowed to be audible

2. No load scoot test. (push and pull on carpet from different points on the bed with the bed un-loaded)
• No sign of failure unloaded. Some creaking allowed to be audible.

3. Loaded scoot test. (push and pull on carpet from different points on the bed with the bed loaded)
• Minor stress cracks allowed with 100lb load. Some cracking sounds expected.

4. Dynamic load test to failure (apply a bouncing load one jumping body at a time for 3 minutes each until failure)
• No sign of failure with 100lbs bouncing for 3 minutes. Some creaking allowed to be audible. Expect failure between 200 and 800lbs.

Tonight, Under the Bridge

2011-02-22T23:24:00.001-06:00

Several fights broke out tonight. Drugs and alcohol don’t help when it comes to controlling your emotions. Although the fighting certainly was discouraging, what was more impressive was the reaction from the other homeless. Three homeless people came under the bridge not to get a meal, but to watch out for the us. They helped break up the fights and calm everyone down. I guess they knew something was up.

One homeless woman appealed to the fighters to stop because there were children present. I liked her sensibility, but even innocence does not easily break through alcohol.

Several of the homeless (not the ones that were fighting) made a point to come up to us and apologize. They have to live with this type of violence every day, yet they apologized to us. Amazing.

I met an interesting man tonight. He had a painting strapped to his backpack and a painter’s easel strapped to his belt. He was from California and came to Little Rock by train via Washington DC. He was headed to Texas. I asked him how he knows where the train goes. He said he looks on Google maps. He found out that trains run in three directions from Little Rock: one to Missouri, one to Pine Bluff, and one to Texas. This past week he has been to Missouri and back and to Pine Bluff and back. By process of elimination, he found the line he needs to Texas. He was a young, clear-eyed, articulate man. He had seven cans of tuna that he was living on that ran out on his train ride from Pine Bluff to LR. He was hungry and happened upon the meal we were serving. He made a point to express his gratitude and visit with us in a friendly way.

The contrasts were striking tonight. Even in the darkness, lights do shine.

So, so you think you can tell/heaven from hell/blues skies from pain/can you tell a green field from a cold steel rail/a smile from a veil…

Working in the Gray

2011-02-19T01:24:00.003-06:00

In my previous career, I was a mechanic. For about 10 years, I worked at various shops working on cars, heavy trucks, and forklifts. There was a certain beauty and simplicity to the whole process of working on a machine. It was broke, you fixed it, and then everybody was happy. Although it had its challenges, the end goal was clear and you knew you achieved it when the machine worked like it was meant to. But the machines did not talk back to me, so I decided to change careers. I wanted to fix broken people. So at 27 years of age I went back to school for a decade and then started working with people.

I miss the black and white simplicity of being a mechanic. Machines are either broke or fixed. Success is easy to judge. For the past 20 years, I have worked in the gray. People operate at points along a continuum of pathology (or vitality, from a positive point of view). In working with people, the end point is not always clear; you just know it is somewhere to the right of where they started. Success is often hard to judge. After your efforts of helping, sometimes things get better, but sometimes things seem unchanged or worse. In the later case, maybe your efforts contributed to making things worse or maybe they will ultimately be helpful, but it will not be evident in the short term – you often will never know. With improvement, you get to hug each other’s necks. When things don’t seem to improve, you get to question and second-guess. Helping is that way.

Yesterday, S. chose to return to homelessness. We tried to help. Now we just get to be sad.

Perhaps in the kingdom, to help and love is the end in itself and not just the means to success. Godspeed, S.

Misguided Effort? For Sure Final Thoughts

2011-02-15T22:51:00.004-06:00

I do tend to overthink things, but if an unexamined life if not worth living, maybe unexamined acts of supposed goodness are not worth doing. Case in point. Remember the scene in the movie Slumdog Millionaire where the children were intentionally disabled and forced to beg for money for the perpetrator? Were the people that gave money to the poor children helping? In their case, the children needed help not money. I know it is an extreme example, but how is it different for us?

I guess I want to make the point that some level of self-reflection is a good thing. Self-interest is bred into us. I think we are capable of indulging the self for a long time without much awareness that we are. I am not making the case for not acting to help, just stopping from time to time to reflect on weather we actually are.

Misguided Effort? Final Final Thoughts

2011-02-14T23:13:00.004-06:00

I think it may be a leadership issue. It appears that many people are motivated enough to step out to be helpful, however, well-intentioned, self-interested, or injudicious. Some attempts to be compassionate (e.g., short term mission trips, serving meals under the bridge, or take your pick of redundant efforts) that have limited helpfulness to the served have value as means to spiritual formation for the servers, but not any more so than actually being helpful would. Perhaps with a little less emphasis on spiritual formation and a little more emphasis on alleviating suffering we would produce more help and more spiritual formation.

Jesus threw down the gauntlet for his followers to be compassionate. Compassion, by definition, is an emotional reaction in response to someone’s suffering accompanied by a strong motivation to alleviate the suffering. It is something else to have an emotional reaction in response to someone’s suffering accompanied by a strong desire to grow spiritually because of hanging out among the suffering doing something that does not sufficiently target the suffering. For it to be compassion a primary component should involve trying to actually alleviate the suffering. Seems some intentional thoughtfulness about what’s causing the suffering, what would be helpful to alleviate it, and questioning our own efforts would be needed to move into compassion.

When we are off the compassion mark, a leader would be helpful to bring us to compassion. I don’t necessarily mean a trained or institutionally appointed leader, just someone who knows (through experience) something about the people and what would be helpful. It would also be helpful for those that are off the mark to seek out such a leader and learn from him or her before joining some misguided effort. And maybe it would be helpful to have some scary, wild looking dude screaming some prophetic reprimands at the rest.

The compassionate leader helps those that desire to be compassionate by guiding and directing them in their efforts to alleviate suffering. Seems like a win-win. Previously well-intention, self-interested people learn to lose the self-interest part and gain something better – compassion – and the person suffering is provided with the type of help that is actually needed. In this scenario, the leaders need to step up in the midst of misguided efforts and do some transformation. I think they would find some willing to go along. The others can continue to stroke their egos and build their kingdom. Leave them alone, if they are not against us, they are for us.

Misguided Effort? Final Thoughts

2011-02-09T01:07:00.002-06:00

Exceptional acts of love and mercy are hard, but better than our ordinary acts. I have reluctantly stopped waiting for it to rain down, though. It apparently does not come from the outside, but the inside. We have been invited by Jesus to follow him in the way of exceptional love and mercy and he has set the spirit deep within us to help us. In faith, we have to assume Jesus thought we could do it, that progress was possible. I don’t think he wanted us to set up camp on the good side of the human good-evil continuum. He would be happy we made it that far, but I picture him saying: “What are you doing? Why have you pitched a tent? We’re not there yet. I’m out a here. Who’s coming with me?”

It starts with getting out and trying to help. If you take the trial and error approach, expect lots of stumbling around. Trial and error is an inefficient way of learning, but it is a start. The journey starts when you just do it. Next, you need to pay attention when you are doing it. If you do, good chance some significant spiritual formation issues will smack you right in the face. For me, it often is with seemingly little things and my attitudes, such as the taxi fare series.

Practice with feedback is much more efficient way to learn and change than trial and error. That is where mentors should come in. I know they are in short supply, but first you have to determine to seek one out where you can find one. It does not have to be as dorky as asking someone to be your mentor. Just find someone that is doing good and hang with them. Watch them and learn what you can from them. Go deep when you can. Between self-reflection, modeling, and deep interaction, you will get your feedback. Then go back and do it again. It is an iterative process. Confront you attitudes, contemplate and get to that place that is deep beneath the attitude and just stay at that place for a while. Directly challenge the attitude if needed. Afraid you will get ripped off if you give physical help or cash to someone ostensibly in need? Face the fear and let yourself get ripped off. It is only when the fear is gone that you start being smart about what you do.

We are not so good at perceiving our own motives. It requires brave self-reflection, a sort of repentant reconsideration of our efforts. It is easier to see the motives of others. Makes me wonder if I wear my motives on my sleeves like others I see. Someone would have to engage with me on that one. Which brings up the whole community thing, find a few people that are brave enough to want to go on a similar journey with you. Then start having NCCZ’s.

Finally, drop the happy blessing part of serving. Make your goal to actually help someone. Most every night, there is someone that is suffering, in need of, and ready for help, that cannot make it without someone coming along side of them and helping. Yes, it will be inconvenient. The self will push back.

Misguided Effort? 9 (second to last!)

2011-02-07T22:59:00.001-06:00

I think I can safely get back to my original point in this series. The push back I tend to get on this topic usually relates to discomfort with being too critical about the good works of others. It smacks of judging. Fair enough. I think I have sufficiently reexamined and qualified my thoughts on good works. I will now split hairs on the good end of the good-evil continuum. I think I am sufficiently on record that it is all good. To the degree that I have chosen sides and want to be associated with goodness, my critique is more of a self-reflection and of one speaking from within the family, so to speak.

The self-orientation seems to be our default, thus our expressions of love and mercy are often ordinary. To this, Jesus seems to say: “Your ordinary love is good, but big whoop. Follow me and I will show you something better.” This is hard, though; because what seems best to us is… well, by definition, about us. Jesus, Gandhi, Mother Teresa, and other important people do provide us with examples of exceptional love and mercy, and there undoubtedly are other, less public, quieter examples around if we look. However, if we are honest, the church is not exactly blowing us over with this stuff. If Jesus’s exceptional love and mercy is more than a hope, it is incumbent on his followers (at least the ones that have figured it out) to demonstrate it and show us how to attain it.

I think there are some qualitative differences between good works where the primary focus is to help the other and those good works where helping is a secondary purpose, even if a close second. If helping the other were the primary purpose, the help would be better and more. If egos and organizational promotion were secondary, help would be better and more. As one who has been hanging out with good people for a long time and has had a career in the helping profession, when push comes to shove, I don’t often see the exceptional. I did not say I never do; I revel when I do and occassionally report on them here. I need to see more.

To frame it more specifically, imagine what would happen if we went under the bridge with the primary purpose to help someone? For one, we wouldn’t be tripping over ourselves feeling good about serving meals to people who just ate an hour earlier; we would take the time to find out how to actually help and do it. What would happen to the gaps and redundancies that pervade homeless services if we kept helping the other primary? How much better and far reaching would be the help? Unfortunately, I can only imagine. Until then, I will rejoice in the ordinary and search out and hold up the exceptional.

Misguided Effort? 8

2011-02-06T23:34:00.001-06:00

… Do it enough and you will start to wonder.

Helping people is a good thing. Do it and hang out with people who do and you will learn something about yourself. One of the things you may learn is that, even in helping the other, self interest is there in the background. We are good on our terms. We will do good, when it coincides or at least doesn’t clash with self-interest. We shouldn’t resist this observation; we are after all talking about behavior on the good side of the good-evil continuum – perhaps even the highest human good. To expect more may be to expect too much.

Several years back, when my daughter was in our church youth group, she related an interaction she had with H., the daughter of one of the other adult volunteers in the youth program. On a school ski trip, riding up the chair lift, H. stated to my daughter something to the effect: “I do not think it is possible to live the way the adults are telling us we need to live.” Were we setting the bar for them higher than we were setting or able to attain for ourselves? From that point on, I was determined not to “lay trips” on the youth. It wasn’t fair, and, perhaps, it was worse than unfair.

I am willing to assume that most all of our behavior, ultimately, is self-serving at some level; at least that is my own experience and what seems to be the case as I look around. If that is granted, then helping the other as a close second to self is the highest form of human good. Again, we don’t need to resist this notion. All one has to do to see the nobility in it is to contrast it with the behaviors as you move away from the good side of the good-evil continuum. So, let’s spur each other to do good works. Let’s marvel at the good we see others doing, even when the motives are worn on their sleeves. This may be as good as it gets. I would be content to be on a journey to that place and rest there.

But then Jesus bungs up the program. He seems to both be happy for such ordinary, human goodness, and invite us to a more exceptional type.

Crap. I think I know how H. felt.

Misguided Effort? 7

2011-02-02T23:30:00.002-06:00

So here is my theory. Helping someone as a close second to some other primary purpose (take your pick of self-focused primary purposes) is the highest form of human good on the good-evil continuum. Do you agree?

Secular psychological and evolutionary views of altruism seem to agree. To them, Santa got it wrong. We can't be good for goodness sake. We can be good, but just for some other primary reason, usually related to our self.

So, when we see people trying to do good, we should rejoice and celebrate it, even when the motive is apparent on their sleeve. No judging needed. Often our pathology cannot be hidden. Sometimes motives are apparent but implicit, but often they are said out loud. So what, rejoice. Better that a selfish person try and help someone than getting those desires fulfilled with a sex slave. It also beats what the selfish dude who is complacent does.

Ordinary human goodness is doable and it's the best we have to offer. We should give a prize when we see it. These are the ones to hang out with. They are showing us the best. Some of them have interesting things to say about why they choose to help the other. We could swap stories.

This is step 1. Do it and you will learn something about the other and yourself. Do it enough and you will start to wonder.

Misguided Effort? 6

2011-01-28T00:00:00.002-06:00

So I am thinking that to focus on the other requires that we try to focus on the other. Brilliant.

A simple test of whether we are doing that is to go into a situation with the resolve to keep "helping the other" the primary purpose. If you start to feel inconvenienced or miffed because things are not going the way you want them to, you've just bumped into another purpose, unless it is related to helping the other, you keep it secondary.

Okay, let's go try that. Let me know how it goes.

Misguided Effort? 5

2011-01-26T23:32:00.002-06:00

I am not getting much traction from my homies on this topic. If this were on Facebook, I would not have any likes, and if there were a dislike button I would probably get a few of them. This makes me think either I am wrong or I haven't communicated my point sufficiently. I will assume the later, because I blog. That's what I do, or, as Malia reminds me, I like to hear myself talk.

To be honest, I pursue this line of thinking because I have my doubts that it doesn't get better than this (this being the ordinary type of helping I talked about in one of the previous posts in this series). I see enough of the way it is all around me. There are exceptions, there's Jesus and Ghandi and Mother Teresa, and even some modern day examples of their kind, but they are just that, exceptions. I want there to be something better, both in myself and in the world around me.  It is quite possible that there is and I have not learned to see it.

If the answers at the end of 4 were rhetorical, it is incumbent upon Jesus's followers to demonstrate that it is possible. My next question, that is not rhetorical, is how do I (we?) move in that direction? I have some ideas, but cannot speak from much experience. One thing that has been helpful is seeing others that seem to be doing it (exceptional helping). My friend, Dennis, posted the other day that he got a phone call at 3:30 am from one of the homeless. He was sick and had thrown up all over himself. Dennis went and got him from his camp, took him home, bathed him, and washed his clothes. I am astounded by a couple of things. First, that he answered the phone at 3:30 am. I would have looked at the caller ID and probably let it ring. Secondly, this man knew who to call at 3:30 am.  Third, he seemed to have a good attitude about it. I don't need to have lengthy discussions about how to do it. Just hearing about it and seeing this type of stuff in action has been helpful and encouraging.

Good is good. I am happy for good. I will concede that ordinary good (that done as a secondary purpose with some other self-serving purpose being the primary, even if a close second), is, I would argue, probably the highest form of human goodness on the good-evil continuum. But, I am thinking Jesus was inviting us to something beyond this.  The rest of Luke 9 seems to demonstrate that vs49 and 50 were not the end of what Jesus was trying to teach his disciples.  He seems to be inviting us to something exceptional, something wholy devine.  If so, I don't want to settle. I don't want to be complacent.

Like I said, I may be wrong about this, but I hope I am not.

Tonight, Under the Bridge

2011-01-25T23:18:00.000-06:00

It was an uneventful night under the bridge for the most part. Joshua cooked a rather large pot of spaghetti. I heard so many complements about it that I had to ask him how he cooked it. He said the secret was to cook up 5 pounds of low grade ground beef and pour the whole thing in the pot, with the fat unstrained. I tasted it and it was good. It slide so smoothly down my throat.

I continue to practice "looking for Zacheus" when I am down there - looking for that one person that is in need and ready for a reason to do something different.  At the end of the night, when most of the homeless had dispersed, a short, stocky black man named Tyron appoached me, put down his stuff, and said, "Will you pray with me? I need prayer."

"What do you need prayer for? What is the problem you are having?"

"My health. I have a problem with my kidneys. They are going to have to take a kidney. Both my mother and sister died from this same thing. I am scared," he said hanging his head and reaching to place his hand on my shoulder.

He came to me and asked me to pray with him. Quite the opportunity to practice saying words of life and light.  This sad looking man tried to walk away alone. He made the effort to come back. He was afraid.  He was sick. He was alone and living on the streets. He needed to touch someone and have someone pray words on him.  He sought him out.

I put my hand on his shoulder and he put his on mine. I looked at him with my eyes open. I could see the brokeness in his demeanor.   I could see that he was afraid. I dropped in. With my eyes still open and looking at him, I said, "....

After we prayed, he picked up his earthly belongings and I watched him slowly walk off into the dark streets alone.

Misguided Effort? 4

2011-01-23T00:36:00.003-06:00

In the secular study of the means of good and helping actions, they are explained as something that is ultimately self serving (we do good things because it makes us look or feel good) or genetically programmed through evolutionary mechanisms (it leads to greater chances of survival if we care for those in our tribe). In this view, helping the other is not the primary purpose. It seems clear that these ordinary means are often at work in good and helping actions. Good things do happen as a result of these ordinary means. God knows there are worse expressions of selfishness. I will take someone being helped for selfish motives over someone supporting the sex slave industry to support their own perverse, selfish desires. Make no mistake about it, acts of love and mercy secondary to some other self-serving purpose are good, desirable, and should be encouraged and celebrated when we see them. They provide striking contrasts to the acts of cruelty and hatred we encounter and refreshing relief from the more banal, seemingly ubiquitous acts of selfish complacency.

Good and helping actions arising from some other, primary purpose certainly is on the good side of the good-evil continuum. Even Jesus took it when he found it (Luke 9:49-50; ht Greg). In my life, it was progress for me just to do good things, even when my motives were less than selfless. When we first started building beds, it was enough just to get to the point where I was willing to give a bed away, even though compassion was not the driving force. Without taking anything away from these ordinary acts of goodness, from a spiritual formation standpoint, however, are we to be satisfied with such ordinary acts of goodness? Is there something more that we can expect and aspire to if we are on a journey to live the way of Jesus? Is there such a thing as exceptional goodness?

Misguided Effort? 3

2011-01-19T23:46:00.005-06:00

To keep helping the other as the primary purpose is really, really, really, hard. My observations of well-intentioned, activity involved people confirm this. Self-reflection of my own motives and action confirms this. Really helping the other so easily slips to a secondary position, if it ever really was in the primary position. Too often, helping others is contingent on helping self in some way. Too often I am satisfied with helping the other being secondary. Helping others as a secondary purpose can work well and do some good. It can work well until our primary purpose gets frustrated. I am willing to go down under the bridge and serve so long as my ego gets its fix and I am not too inconvenienced. So often, other kingdoms trump the Kingdom when push comes to shove.

It is hard. Really, really hard. It is sad to see it in myself and to watch it in a world in such need of goodness.

Words from my past come to mind in response to the above. But those platitudes are the topic of the previous post.

Transcending Platitudes 2

2011-01-19T23:37:00.001-06:00

Words and actions both communicate. Without getting into an either/or situation, words are probably the weaker of the two, as suggested by the proverb "actions speak louder than words." Words by themselves are weak, and have little persuasive power, even ones that have truth behind them. Words gain power when they are backed up by actions, when there is a congruity between what we say and what we do. Conversely, words lose their power and can even have a negative force when there is discontinuity between what we say and what we do. There is probably lots of agreement at this level. The disagreements are likely to come when you flesh this out.

So in searching for words under the bridge, the baseline needs to be acting in love. I am uninterested in words to say without the acting in love part. I am equally uninterested in adding words to a situation where that loving action has already, and in a better way, communicated. I am, however, interest in what words can add in situations where love is in action. Can words add something specific to that which was spoken in the action? Can words create a synergy with loving action that transcends both the platitudes and the quiet action? If so, how does that work? How do we practice this?

More later.

Transcending Platitudes

2011-01-09T19:45:00.007-06:00

She sat alone, with her overstuffed knapsack tucked close, quietly eating a plate of warm spaghetti. Her head was down and partly concealed inside the hood of her jacket. She braced for the change in weather under layers of clothes. She seemed a bit out of place, being older than most women under the bridge. Not wanting to interrupt her meal, I waited and wondering about her story. Was she someone’s mother or grandmother? Did they know she was living on the streets?

E. told me I needed to meet S. She felt like she was someone that could make some progress with getting off the streets with a little help.

One of the things I have been wrestling with when I am under the bridge is what to say. For the first five years I didn’t worry too much about what to say. I was practicing doing; you know, the St. Francis “…preach the gospel, use words if necessary” thing. After years of practicing doing, I began to consider how to use words that could add life and light, ones that would transcend platitudes. How does one do that? As I watched S., I wondered what words could be said that would be good news to her.

After S. finished eating, I introduced myself.

“Do you need help? Are you ready to get off the streets? I ask because some down here are not ready.”

“I was ready the first night I spent out here.”

After visiting for a time, S. agreed to let us come along side of her to see if we could help her address some of the obstacles that are keeping her on the streets. Then I heard the words that would be good news to S. As we were preparing to leave, D. approached S.

“Are you staying outside tonight?”

“Yes.”

“It is going to be cold tonight. We have room on our couch. Why don’t you come stay with us tonight?”

S. paused for a second. “I think I will.”

Words are said and understood in a context. That night, I heard the words that would transcend platitudes.

Misguided Effort? 2.1

2011-01-05T23:01:00.001-06:00

I'm just saying, at some point in all this doing good things and
spiritual formation we need to actually try and help someone.

Misguided Effort? 2

2011-01-01T11:47:00.001-06:00

Serving a meal under the bridge fits all the criteria of a good church event. It can be scheduled at a predictable time, it is brief, it has a beginning and end, it fits with lots of bible verses about the poor and hungry, and it can give the volunteers a sense that they are doing something good - perfect from a programming perspective. I think this is why so many groups are doing it. Hanging out under the bridge also can be a rich place for spiritual formation practice. If you pay attention, you can learn something about your own and others’ attitudes. That is one of the primary reasons I continue to go down there. You can get all this, and more, for about $200 a pop, not counting the volunteers’ time. If you don’t think about it too hard, you can feel really good about what you are doing down there.

I wonder if we should approach the whole serving enterprise differently. What would we do differently if programming or personal growth goals were not primary, but, instead, our primary focus was to actually be real help. From my experience, each time I go under the bridge, I encounter someone that appears to need, is ready for, and would accept help. This past week, it was Sharon. In her case, for about the cost of the meal that was served that night, she could be put up in a transitional home for a month, giving her an opportunity to address the obstacles that are making it difficult, if not impossible, for her to help herself. She has been on the streets for two years. She has a good chance of getting off the streets and support herself if those with the means and access to options she lacks would come along side of her and share some of what they have.

I know this shift in approach would be inconvenient and hard to program. But that’s the point, the shift would mean that the self is not driving things. The nature and benefits of compassion necessitate this shift (perhaps leap is the more appropriate metaphor). You can’t have it both ways. I guess this is why Jesus prefaced his good news of a better way of living with the direction to reconsider (repent). Maybe we should reconsider.

Misguided Effort?

2010-12-31T13:54:00.000-06:00

As we were driving to the bridge to help feed the homeless, I asked the others in the car what they were hoping to accomplish that night in their time under the bridge. One young man said that he was going under the bridge to develop more of a servant’s heart. Others in the car had similarly noble goals, which were very similar to ones I have made for myself. I try to treat my time under the bridge as practice in spiritual formation. As I reflect on it, though, there is a selfish element to it. None of us said that our goal was to actually help someone. In fact, I often wonder if the whole enterprise of feeding the homeless under the bridge is more self focused than other focused.

Lately, they have been feeding about 75 to 100 people under the bridge, three nights a week. Depending on how you plan the menu, it costs from $2 to $4 per person, if you actually provide a meal that consists of more than hot dogs or pizza. That’s a chunk of change for most of us schmucks. Is that the best use of our time and money? Feeding the hungry certainly is a good thing, but meals are not that hard to come by if you are homeless in Little Rock. On a typical day, you can get at least 4 meals all before noon. Little Rock is good about that. If there is so much food, why is there such interest in feeding the homeless under the bridge? I worry that it may be more about us than the homeless.

I have a similar issue with how short-term mission trips are done. Lots of money is expended to give fortunate people an experience with minimal effects for the people being served (I also wonder if, in some cases, even harmful effects – like lavishing attention on a group of orphans, only to abandon them after a week – not good for children who have issues of trust and attachment). To take an example from a church I belonged to and one of my kids had participated in, a trip to Brazil for 15 people was about $22,000, for what benefit to the Brazilians, really? The prospect of benefit appears to be tilted way in favor of the servers rather than the served.

Many, including myself, take the approach that doing things that help us change will ultimately help the needy (sounds sort of like a trickle-down approach). If we become compassionate, we will start doing compassionate things. If we go serve food under the bridge, we will develop more of a “servant’s heart.” If we go on short-term mission trips, we will develop a heart for people outside our culture. So we trip over ourselves under the bridge serving meals to many who just had a meal at the Salvation Army about an hour and a half earlier, all with the hopes that such experiences might, at worst make us feel good about ourselves at that moment, and at best, might be move us to change in some way that might actually help someone.

I wonder if we are going about this all wrong. What if we tilted the weight of benefit more toward the served than the servers? What if we placed a priority on helping the other rather than giving ourselves an experience? How would we go about doing that?

Bed Project Feild Trip

2010-12-30T00:32:00.000-06:00

Since we have the bunk bed completed (know any kids that need a bed?), we took a feild trip out to Dennis's shelter to meet with Sharon. We heard a bit more of her story. She looked much better, having showered and cleaned her clothes and getting a good night sleep in a warm house.

Dennis has an open bed at the woman's House of Hope. I am going to cover her rent for the first two months to giver her some time and space to work on addressing the obstacles that are in the way of work.

Priorities: clothing, including scrubs, update CPR certification ($30), bus pass ($40 for month), networking for a job, primary care appointment for health care, get in with a group for social support that can replace the relationships she will be losing from leaving the streets.

Sharon is willing to let us come along side her, although she admitted that it is difficult for her.

She looked like she hadn't had a hug in a while. Tonight, she got some.

It is amazing to watch a group of guys love on her without judging her. Riding the Wind.

Tonight Under the Bridge

2010-12-28T22:50:00.000-06:00

I met a woman named Sharon. She has her LPN. She lost her job two years ago because of poor health. Since living on the streets, she has lost 100 pounds and has regained much of her health. She is willing to work but now faces obstacles that make it difficult for her to get it. With some help, it is likely that she could get off the streets and back on her feet, and probably done without missing a beat in our standard of living.

As we were driving to the bridge, we discussed what we were going to work on tonight.
I stated that I hoped to "drop in" and not let distractions from my mind, body, or social aspects prevent me from being present with the people I would encounter. I wanted to practice "looking for Zacheus" or that person from within the crowd that I needed to meet. If I found him, I wanted to practice speaking words that would be good news or words of life and light, and, perhaps even more difficult, I wanted to act.

Now I sit with here with Sharon's phone number. I should be more careful about what I practice. Things are about to get inconvenient.

I would prefer not to do this alone. Mainly because I am a reluctant bastard. My dream is to belong to a community that rallies together around goodness like this.

A Recent Phone Conversation

2010-12-14T23:35:00.002-06:00

JS: What would you say if I could get you free wood and free mattresses?
ME: I'd say get it.

Christian Meditation 3

2010-11-15T22:42:00.001-06:00

I am back on blogger. I tried Facebook Notes for quite a while. The problem with Facebook and the kind of stuff I like to write is that it gets posted on everyone's wall, or whatever they call that common space. There it becomes like unsolicited advice, which is rarely appreciated. I wanted to do a series on Christian meditation which tends to get people whacky. So I thought I would move back to blogger where I can talk to myself and the occassional guy from China, and not bother anybody.

My first two notes with some thoughts about Christian meditation are on my facebook page.

One of the toughest things about silent meditation is staying awake. A power nap is a good and useful thing, but it is not the same as meditation. There is an optimal state of mind during meditation that is different than thinking, resting, or sleeping. These different states are associated with differences in brain activity. With practice you can learn to distinguish between these different states. One of the most basic is how you respond to sounds during meditation. If a noise in the environment causes a startle response in you, you are moving into sleep.

What happens during sleep is a sort of disconnect from the cortex, the outer, higher level parts of our brain where our conscious processing takes place. The startle response comes from the subcortical or more primitive parts of our brain. In a meditative state, you will notice sounds but not be startled by them. Studies of masters of meditation reportedly have demonstrated no startle response to even extremely loud noises like a gun shot.

If you notice a startle response during your meditation practice, you should probably alert yourself in some way. I use to struggle with this, but have learned some techniques to keep me in a meditative state more. I will post some of those ideas later.

Anyone else notice this during meditation?

Been over on Face Book

2010-06-27T00:39:00.001-05:00

Haven't been using Blogger lately. I have been over on Face Book. The notes function is not as functional as a blog, but it seems easier for to people to respond. Don't get too many comments here. Granted, most of the responses on FaceBook are fairly low level, but at least you know they are there. It is not fun talking to yourself. Join me on Face Book is you care to.

O-M-G 2

2010-05-26T22:51:00.001-05:00

The sound of Dudley’s weeping and lamenting compelled me toward him. He cowering in the corner, hiding his face like a child as D and M held him and spoke gentle words. D had told us earlier that Dudley had been particularly agitated that day, but he wasn’t sure why. He was suffering and needed to be evaluated so he could get some help, but he has no means and the holes in our society’s safety net are too large to hold one like him.

I had a genuine experience of compassion as I watched and listened. I wondered where it came from and why it was so strong this night. I so wanted to take his hurt from him. He hung his head in shame, like an abused victim blaming himself, like a mistreated dog that is resigned to his beatings.

I gathered that this was not the first time Dudley broke like this. From what little I knew about him, life had screwed him. He was dealt a bad set of genetic and experiential cards. I suspect he has lived through things none of us were ever meant to experience. I wondered what injustices he had suffered. I wondered what demons he carried with him. How long had his basic human needs been gone unmet? Why am I so fortunate and Dudley so pitiful?

How many nights had Dudley broke like this out on the streets? How many tears had he shed alone in the woods? But he did not cry alone tonight. Tonight, God physically held him and whispered words of life and light to him through D.

I am so glad I didn't stay home and watch Lost.

Attitude and the Exceptional

2010-05-20T18:50:00.005-05:00

I like Dallas Willard’s definition of love: to will the good of the other. All compassion is love, but not all love is compassion. Compassion is a loving response to someone else’s suffering. Love wills the good of the other, even when there is no suffering. The moral knowledge exists about the origin and source of love.

In the human sphere, we see two types of love and compassion, ordinary and exceptional. Ordinary love is willing the good of someone we care about. It appears that all humans possess ordinary love. Even bad guys appear to love their family or friends. Didn’t Tony Soprano love his family? This is a good thing, but it is ordinary. Since God’s love extends to all, it is like everybody is God’s friend or in his family. In his kingdom, compassion is always an appropriate response to suffering, regardless of who it is. That’s God, however; it is a bit different with us humans. We have a much smaller network.

Our expressions of love and compassion become exceptional when they are extended to those outside of our network of family and friends. This type of love does not appear to be as universal, and few of us have mastered it. It’s just not natural or easy to come by. We can go to the source and try and figure out how to get some of it transferred. I see one big impediment to this project, however: attitude.

What role should our attitude play in compassion? Let’s take an example. If we saw a stranger in distress, a kingdom response would be to help. In principle, we may be willing to go along with this. Add this detail to the example: the person is a convicted rapist. Should this additional information make a difference in the right thing to do? I give this extreme example as a way of pushing the issue. Examples could range across the entire continuum, but the issue remains: what role does our attitude have in our expressions of exceptional love and mercy? Is it better to not know too many details? Is it better to feed the homeless and not ask any questions? Should it affect our response if we do know the details of the situation?

Help me our here.

O-M-G

2010-05-18T23:11:00.005-05:00

I had a choice tonight. I could have stayed home, kicked off my shoes, grabbed a drink, and watched Lost and Glee on my 42” flat screen, or I could take a spontaneous but intentional trip to the the margins of our culture and look and listen. The later is always a risky venture at a couple of levels. Sometimes it is a choice between comfort and discomfort, between safety and insecurity, but it can also be a choice between the insignificant and the radical, between being lulled into complacency and being blow away.

I sensed that a trip was needed. I texted one of the few people I know who would consider such a spontaneous trip, my friend, Keith. He was game and we took off. You never know what you will see; there are no guarantees. I am sure Lost was good tonight, being the second to the last episode. But my man, Dallas Willard, taught me something about grace: “Until you step out to do it, no help is on the way. But once you step out to do it, the help is already there.” If you want to see the kingdom at work, if you want to see exceptional love and mercy confront heartbreak, suffering, and oppression played out in front of your eyes, if you want to drive a stake through your callous heart, if you want to be shaken to the core of your being, then, sometimes you have to get up off the couch and take a trip across town into the bowels of darkness and oppression.

O-M-G. It blew – me – away. Maybe I will post about it if I can find the words to do it justice. The point? Derek’s little league coach use to tell his players “Nothing good happens unless you swing the bat.” I am learning that the same may be true of the kingdom. Grace doesn’t happen unless you step out and take the field trip.

Dudley

2010-05-10T22:28:00.004-05:00

Have you ever wondered about carnival workers? As I have observed them at the state fair over the years, I have often wondered about their stories. From the looks of them, I was certain they each had an interesting story to tell – at least interesting (voyeuristic?) to this fortunate one. At the time, I didn’t live my life in a way that I would ever have the opportunity to hear any of their stories. This past weekend, I got to spend some time with a former carnival worker named Dudley.

I stopped by A Family Called Us Saturday afternoon. I just couldn't shake the feeling I got after our little field trip. Not sure what it’s all about at this point, but when things like this happen, I have learned to go with it. Dennis (the guy heading it up) and the homeless were moving their stuff over to their new place. I helped them for a few hours. Dudley rode in my truck with me. He was living in a camp in midtown and was recently jumped by three guys. He had his head cracked and what little money he had taken. Two outreach workers put him up in a hotel for the night and tracked down A Family Called Us and got him in with them. This was going to be his first night in the new shelter.

As we rode together, I asked him about himself. He spent years traveling with a carnival. His travels with the carnival brought him to Arkansas and into my truck. We worked shoulder to shoulder, talked, and ate lunch together. That night, he slept in a bed and had a new family called us.

Into LR Heart of Darkness

2010-05-08T01:59:00.009-05:00

How can I describe the insignificant, unlikely little field trip we took last night? There are so many other, more appealing things to do on a Thursday night – and just about every other night. Even the ordinary would be preferred. To not take a trip like this is the default. For the few that are inclined, there are so many other, more notable places to go.

We visited a place that is as invisible as the people it is reaching. They don’t exist. With no substance or weight, the current of culture flows past them, unimpeded, pressing them to the furthest edge of its margins. Their qualities are culture's antithesis. They are insects. Their insignificance has no place and they are so easily brushed aside.

The man who set up the place is an unlikely character, a kind of modern day Gandhi or Mother Teresa, only completely off the radar screen of church and culture. In the short time we spent with him, he incarnated some fundamental biblical teaching - the hard ones that we read about but can’t do. The ones we walk away from in the same manner as the rich young ruler. We wonder what it would be like. He showed us. Ironically, he would not fit in most churches. They wouldn’t have him. There are so many other things to do in church, and there are so many other, more notable people to put in front as examples.

Enough of being abstruse; just trying to set the mood for you. Let me be more direct.

Thursday night we visited a group that has a homeless shelter for men and is in the process of setting up one for women. They are targeting the homeless that are living in camps around little rock. These tend to be the hard core homeless. These do not stay at the big four shelters (Salvation Army, Union Rescue Mission, Compassion Center, Our House) for a variety of reasons. These are the ones that get their stuff stolen regularly and suffer more violence. Every year, a few of them freeze to death.

Wanting to help end homelessness, this group decided to target those living in the camps. What to do to help is not really known, so they decided to invite the homeless to come live with them and teach them how they can help. They have been learning this way from the homeless for the past year. They had about 8 men living in the house and another 5 living in tents behind the house. The men are in the process of moving to a new location and the house will be undergoing improvements this week, thanks to a group of young Vista volunteers (AmeriCorps), and will be used to shelter homeless women.

They have only one rule: No violence. They are taking a “housing first” approach. Most shelters have a fairly restrictive set of rules, which is why some of the homeless prefer to live on the streets. Basically, clean up your act, then you can belong. With Family Called Us, you can belong as you work through your issues. Don’t churches struggle with a similar question of approach? Is it behave-belong or belong-behave?

They gave us a tour of the house. It looked like a house in poverty. Each room had salvaged mattresses on the floor with blankets, but no linen, and bags of the guys’ belongings. Most rooms had ash trays filled with old butts. My thoughts as I went from room to room were that this place was completely unlike any shelter I had been to, and certainly not the model that any church I knew would develop, but I liked it. Why? Because they are doing something and it just might work.

Good People Rescuing Young Girls from Slavery

2010-05-02T00:06:00.000-05:00

Check out the video at this site. Some people are not only living a good life and rescuing girls in slavery.

Tonight, Under the Bridge, Blogger Edition (or too deep for Facebook edition)

2010-04-28T21:38:00.002-05:00

This is what I posted on Facebook, jump down if you read it there.

It was another interesting time under the bridge tonight. Each week, as I drive down there, I question whether what I am doing is right and good. I have had persistently mixed feelings about what we were doing. Each night, as I drive away, I reflect on what I saw. Tonight, we ran out of food for the first time. We handed out the 84th soft drink can and there were still about 25 people in line.

Some feel that feeding the chronically homeless enables their lifestyle, which for some is one of drugs and violence. Some feel that it is an act of compassion for the least, lost, and last in our society. I have been hanging out under the bridge long enough to know that both of these views are generalizations. Tonight, there were over 100 people in line under the bridge, enough people to support whatever attitude or bias you might have – drug addicts, alcoholics, the lazy, the mentally ill, ex-cons, the belligerent, the violent, the lonely, the scared, the disabled, the unlucky, the poor, the poor in spirit.

Some ask me why I continue to go down there with such mixed feelings. It is a great question. I started going down there and continue to for reasons of spiritual formation. I think asking the question “Is it the right things to do?” is the wrong question. The questions I have been asking more recently are: "Will I be able to perceive the one that is needy? Will that person perceive that I can be trusted?"

One can see what one wants in a crowd like tonight. What did I see tonight? I saw a frightened 9 year old little girl gripping the hands of her mother and father at the end of the line. I had compassion on her and wondered about her story. I shook the stump of an unexpectedly cheerful man with deformed limbs and face. I saw many with sad eyes and guarded attitudes.

I heard Jerry, who recently got off the streets, enthusiastically describe the quality of sleep he has been having on the bed we gave him recently. He took the bus out from West Little Rock to be under the bridge tonight. He helped us set up. He did not eat. He seemed to be on the periphery of many the group conversations I had tonight. I wondered if he was lonely. Why does he seem to shadow me down there, but stay just outside the group? I wanted to invite him in, but didn’t. I wanted him to bust out of those thoughts and feelings that kept him outside. I hated that he might see me as being inside at a place he wasn't invited.

Down there it is easy to be overwhelmed with the sordid majority and miss the exceptions. I have to drop in and look for them. It is they who keep me coming back. It is my awkward and inadequate response to those few that keep me coming back to try again. I need more practice in this exceptional training ground.

Few ever go down there. Others go down there for different reasons,I understand that. But I want to go down there and join with others who desire a similar journey. Unfortunately, few do. I am not sure I fully understand why.

* * * *

The last question really puzzles me. I don't mean people doing good things. I mean people who not only focus on doing good, but also on the process of becoming good. Why are their few examples, few mentors, few mentees, or few groups to join? Why does one have to look so hard and feel so alone in the process?

Since I have been going under the bridge, I have paid as much attention to those serving as those being served. Few people are doing good things, fewer still are doing good things and trying to become good. The majority of people who serve under the bridge stay behind the tables. That’s okay. Good works are just that, good. No need for anyone to justify why they are doing good things. But, what about the spiritual formation opportunities? That seems like an endeavor that would be appealing to followers of Jesus and, therefore, should be evident.

I suspect the answer is a fairly banal one – people are just busy. Busy with work, with painting their kitchen, with going to their kids sports activities. Is it really that basic a reason? I want to think that there is something more grand and sinister at work, such as some underlying theological error. Maybe not. Maybe it is just that third soil, the cares of the world. What a letdown. Are we that easily distracted? Talk about power and majesty. Is it really that weak? Can you help me out here?

Longing for the Attainable

2010-04-23T20:49:00.006-05:00

Last night at the NCCZ, we talked about longing. We talked around all sides of it. I was down and tired so I focused on our need to accept things the way they are rather than spending lots of time and energy singing, talking, and lamenting about some idea about how they should be. I wish grace would rain down in an unmistakably powerful and glorious way. I would love to see the boughs of the mighty broken and the weak clothed with strength, literally and frequently. Unfortunately, it appears to happen too infrequently and unpredictably.

What I didn’t talk about last night was my own longing. At times, when I slow down and let it happen, I experience a deep longing for the ineffable; the kind with aching and weeping. I suppose this is part of the eternity that is set in our hearts. I am sure it is that longing that drives me to search for community and justice.

I can’t stay there too long, though. It depresses me. It makes me angry about the way things are. Out of self-preservation, I force myself to see things the way they are. When I pay attention, the things I see would not be classified as mighty and powerful in a literal sense, but, at another level, are deeply profound and moving.

I had just such an encounter over the Christmas holidays. Nelson, my father-in-law, was in the hospital, near death, being treated for his newly diagnosed pancreatic cancer. Hospitals are an eerie place in the middle of the night. It was quiet, except for the rhythmical clicks and hums of his IV pumps. There was a soberness and seriousness to the moment, the kind that comes when our mortality is apparent. With a contemplative attitude I thought about Nelson. If I had to put words to my thoughts, it would have been for God to make his love known to him and give him peace. My meditation was accompanied by a familiar fear and emptiness; maybe such a prayer was futile.

I heard Nelson wake up, needing to sit on the stool toilet that sat next to his bed. His once strong, emaciated body was weak; he did not have the strength to help himself. I help lift him out of bed, pulled down his pants, and guided him to the stool. I waited as he struggled to move his bowels. After a few minutes, I help steady him in the standing position and started cleaning him. At that moment, I had an acute awareness within that my prayer was being answered. God was showing his love to Nelson. Nelson was quiet, but thanked me in a way I have never experienced from him. I pulled up his pants and helped him back into bed.

Through that experience, I learned something about how God chose to act. I wouldn’t describe it as mighty and powerful in the literal sense. I suppose it would not make for a suitable song to sing on Sunday mornings, but it was satisfying and good.

Longing and expectation may be different things. If I was scripting it, I would do it differently, but I am learning to pay attention to and marvel in the profoundness of the way things are. I suppose longing serves its purpose, and we can hope that it will come to pass some day. If what to come is anything like my longings, it will be mighty, glorious, and profound; however, I suspect that, until that time, the yearning and frustration that longing produces can only be relieved by paying attention to the way things are.

2010-04-11T10:06:00.001-05:00

K: "Last week, you were talking like compassion is the primary thing we ought to be focused on. Is that what you think?"

ME: "Let's talk about it."

Speaking Words of Life and Light to Ricky and Jerry

2010-04-07T22:14:00.001-05:00

See the Following the Wind post. So, your standing in Ricky and Jerry's living room. They are our societies throw aways. What is the good news for them? What would you say to them?

I think this is a good practice assignment. I say we generate some script and then go back to their living room and say it to them and see what happens. Who is in?

Leaderless Bed Building

2010-04-07T01:40:00.002-05:00

What's the bottom line for the bed project? The bottom line is compassion. Right now, Sheree's kids do not have beds to sleep in. We can worship, pray, read our bible, go to church, and have a high happy number and still just be fat and happy. None of those will get a bed to those kids. We need motivation, but we don't just want any motivation, we want the motivation that comes from exceptional love and mercy. How do we get that?

We don't need a leader, we need a shared motivation--compassion. How's that going for us? Who's concerned about getting those beds done and delivered? Is it the leader's concern? It is the concern of the ones with compassion. Compassion will keep us focused. Compassion will move us to learn how to do all the things needed to make it happen. Compassion will compell us to give. Compassion will drive us to do what is needed next to get the beds done, not a leader.

Compassion comes from the Father. It is a case of exceptional love and mercy, the kind that is not natural. We need to tap into those divine resources deep within the inner sanctuary of our soul. There we will find our leader and source and giver of compassion. Once we tap into that, then we will have the drive to do a dance upon injustice. The group is functioning to the extent we do that. How's that going for us?

Don't wait, don't wait, the road is now a sudden sea and suddenly we're deep enough to lay our armor down. (encouragement from Chris Cataba).

NCCZ 4

2010-03-31T22:50:00.002-05:00

Why no leader?

I dont want to lead. I want to participate. I think the group benefits more from my active participation than from me (or any other leader) spending my energy and time tending to group management.

The group benefits when some of its members (not necessarily all) have intentionally engaged in the work of the kingdom, or in our case, the things we do by giving, building, and going into the homes of the needy, have confronted, head on, the obstables and means of spiritual formation, and intentionally process that experience in the NCCZ. Who leads? The ones that do this. Doesn't matter which one it is. The learning and change that happens comes from that process, not from a set of skills of a trained group leader.

Some in the group may not have been intentional about the practice, and, consequently, may not have confronted or been as aware of the obstacles and means of spiritual formation. They can't really contribute much besides some ideas that may not have much basis in experience, unless they intentionally pay attention during the NCCZ. They are welcome to participate by coming along for the ride. If nothing else, they can be exposed to a model of what a dynamic small group looks like with a focus on intentional practice and discussing of the process of contemporary, relevant, meaningful spiritual formation.

They dont need a leader. They need models that are engaged and participating rather than leading.

The active, intentional participants also don't need a leader. They just need others on the same venture to work shoulder to shoulder with, to share the same experience with, to share the passion with. The synergy that comes from that group will create kingdom encounters.

Now, thats a group I want to be a part of.

Whose in? Who will lock both hands with us and join the bed project?

Jack....join the Bed Project!

Following the Wind

2010-03-30T22:07:00.003-05:00

This is Ricky and Jerry. I met Ricky about 4 years ago when I spent the weekend under the bridge. He was 18 years old at the time and was living on the streets. That night some Pentecostals preached to him, prayed with him, and baptized him in the Robinson Auditorium fountain at about 2:00 am (it was a cool night; if you baptize a homeless person then they are wet and stay wet - but hey, he was entering the kingdom). He has a horribly sad story. No child should have to go through what he had to go through. Life has been hard for him. Jerry recently talked him down from the Main Street bridge.

I have known Jerry for a year or two. He told me tonight that it has been 115 days since he thought about killing himself. He is on his 9th month of sobriety. He himself was talked down from the Main Street Bridge. He has been off and on homeless. Two weeks ago, he qualified for a housing program through his mental health center. They will help him with his rent for the next year. He is letting Ricky stay with him. They had nothing.

But, the Spirit moves, undeterred, like the wind, and the hearts of the attentive and willing sense its direction and follow. It blew across Amy’s heart who donated a mattress, over the Reinhart’s who gave a chair and a couch, through Lora and her brother who offered some linen, and around Linda who provided some kitchenware. They did not know where the wind was blowing, just that it was. Last Tuesday night, it blew under the bridge and around an encounter with Jerry and Ricky. Tonight, it blew through a piece of the network of goodness and into Jerry’s apartment.

Tonight, Jerry and Ricky will prepare some food in their own kitchen. Tonight they will recline with some dignity on their own couch and chair. Tonight, Jerry will sleep in his new bed under his warm linen. May they sense the gentle Wind tonight and rest.

Close your eyes. Can you feel the wind? Where is it blowing now? Let’s follow it.

Postio Divina II

2010-03-25T00:41:00.006-05:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WPYeTduQ6Dw

NCCZ 3

2010-03-19T09:31:00.002-05:00

To this list:

No leader
No curriculum or prearranged questions
No strict time limits
No chit-chat
No concern about who does or does not participate in the discussion.

Keith wants to add: No wound-licking

On a positive note, we are about correcting small injustices in our community and we are about going on an adventure of spiritual formation. More specifically, we are about intentionally putting ourselves in the homes of people who are suffering, we are about practicing spiritual methods while we do this, and we are about talking about the obstacles and means we encounter as we do this.

How to run a dynamic small group (or how to never be chosen to be a church-based small group leader)

2010-03-17T23:06:00.003-05:00

I have been wrestling with how to run a dynamic small group with a primary focus on spiritual formation.

I have been coming up with some principles for small groups. Follow these and you pretty much can expect to not be chosen to lead a church-based small group, but you just might have a dynamic group. So far, I have:

No chit-chat
No curriculum or prearranged questions
No strict time limits
No leader

To this list, I would add: No concern about who does or does not participate in the discussion.

Yes, I am being a bit cynical. Maybe I will provide a justification for each of these, but let’s back up a minute. The number one issue that everything else may hinge on is agreement of the participants on the purpose of the group.

Why is the group meeting? The implicit, if not explicit, reason why most small groups meet is for socialization. People like to socialize and have the opportunity to make some friends. Churches are glad to oblige and tag on religious lessons and activities. This not only helps meet the needs of people, but it helps hold the institution together. No argument here. Socialization makes life rich. If I were primarily concerned with meeting the needs of people like me and holding a critical mass of people together, I probably would support the whole small group operation. But that is not my primary concern for a small group I want to participate in.

I am interested in going on a venture of spiritual formation, and to share that venture with others doing the same.

Here lies the problem. Putting people with different agendas into a small group is a set up for a frustrating group experience for both sides. I think a small group needs to be explicit about its purpose and be intentional about sticking to it. In the case of the NCCZ, we need to be explicit about its purpose. This may take a night or two around the fire to articulate.

Let me take a stab at it.

The NCCZ is the second part of the two parts to the Bed Project. In one part, we practice, in the other part, we talk about what we experienced in our practice. The two go together. One doesn’t work without the other. If you don’t practice, you won’t have much to talk about. What we practice could be generically called spiritual disciplines. We want to practice spiritual exercises in the context of building and delivering the beds. We know that as we try and do this, we will confront, head-on, both the obstacles and means of spiritual formation. We want both of these, the obstacles and the means, to be the content for discussion in the NCCZ. This will require intentional, well-directed effort in our practice and intentional, well-directed effort in our discussion. If practice is tried, nothing is wasted, there will be something to talk about – success or failure is fair game to talk about.

Small Groups

2010-03-06T22:47:00.003-06:00

I have longed to belong to a dynamic small group. I have been doing church small groups for over 30 years. None of them have really satisfied my longing. I have also been to over half a dozen small group leader trainings. Other than basic group management, they did not get at the heart of what makes a dynamic group. I will post on some of my observations about small group process and the kind of group I would like to be involved with.

The past several years I have not been involved in a church-based small group. The small group I am involved with now is the Bed Project. After we do things to get beds into the homes of those who do not have beds or the means to get some, we retreat to what we call the NCCZ. Basically, we sit around a fire outside of the shop. We state that we want to be as intentional during that time as we are when we are building the beds. What is it that we want to be intentional about and how do we go about it? That is a question I have been wrestling with. We seem to have a better idea of what we don't want it to be. Here are some ground rules that we have at this point.

No chit-chat beyond what is socially useful (which is, what, about 30 seconds?). Let’s not waste our time.

No set beginning or ending time.
No curriculum.
No leader.
No prearranged questions.

With these few, I think we violate just about everything from my previous small group training. I think we aren’t there yet, but so far, it has been the most dynamic small group I have ever been involved with.

One Step Closer

2010-02-23T22:26:00.003-06:00

Julie is one step closer to getting her kids back. She needed beds for her two daughters before DHS would release her children back to her. Since we are the Bed Project, we helped her get beds. If we were the toaster project, I suppose we would have given her a toaster.

Tonight, under the bridge, it was 27 degrees, yet we still served about 80 people. I can't remember a time when so many expressed their gratefulness. One guy asked us for a blanket. He was anticipating a long night. We gave him two. He was thankful. There were about 4 young people that had just hopped off the train. One of them was pregnant. They looked very happy to be getting a meal. They thanked us profusely. We gave them an extra hot dog for their dog. The dog wagged her tail. We passed out some hospital socks. They weren't the most stylish, but they were clean and warm. Several thanked us for the socks. I heard more thanks and "god bless you's" tonight than I had heard in a long time. It was one of those nights.

Daddy, how do you pray?

2010-02-21T22:59:00.007-06:00

When my daughter was about 14 or 15 years old, she asked me a question which broke my heart. The earnestness of the question revealed her pain. “Daddy, how do you pray? When I pray, it feels like my prayers just bounce off the ceiling.” I ached to spare her the all too familiar crisis; however inevitable. To add helplessness to heartache, I honestly could not answer her question. All I had to offer were platitudes that had been passed on to me.

Her question haunted me for years. My brooding prompted me to reflectively ask a good friend of mine, “Do you think our children’s spirituality is bound by our own level of spirituality?” It certainly seemed like my level was limited by that of my mentors or lack thereof. Her question sparked a resolve in me to not let my level be a limiting factor in my children’s. Her question propelled me on a search for an answer. Not an answer as thin as words from the head, but one deep as experience.

This experience led to one of my markisms: You can’t give what you don’t got. Others have expressed this idea much more eloquently than me. Jesus did a nice job: “A student is not above his teacher, nor a servant above his master.”

* * * *

The problem with using this phrase is that it makes you seem like a snob. I used it tonight in an interesting discussion with some friends. We were discussing some of the contemporary Christian books and writers. I am not a big fan of many of them. I suspect that few of them will be read by many 50 years from now.

If I were going to apprentice with someone to learn a craft, I would want to work under a master. I would not want to work under someone who had the language, ideas, and creativity, but had not mastered the craft themselves. If I am going to spend the time to read a book on Christian spirituality, I want to read an author who has something to give; someone who has paid their dues and mastered some things. The authors of many of the contemporary Christian books are giving what they got, unfortunately, it just not that much more than everyone else has.

Mellisa's Got a New Bed

2010-02-10T22:49:00.003-06:00

I can't post videos on TBP Word Press web site, but I can at Blogger.

The delivery of the beds is a highlight of what we do at the Bed Project. Mellisa is from out of state after fleeing an abusive relationship. She did a stint at the Women and Children First shelter, then got into her own apartment. She has little furniture in her apartment and has been sleeping on the couch. Last night she got her own bed. She hasn't had a bed with a headboard since she was little girl. She was very gracious.

Sleep well, Mellisa.

Then we visited Julie, a woman who just got into public housing. She has a heartbreaking story and the only thing she is waiting for to get her two daughters back from DHS are beds. DHS requires beds and a couch before they can release custody. Julie has a complicated story. As I listened to her, I thought Jesus' response to Mary Magdelene.

The Road as Life

2010-02-07T13:12:00.003-06:00

I am always looking for something to inspire me – a song, a movie, a book, an experience. Those times are less frequent than I would prefer. I am not sure if the infrequency is a reflection of my callousness or the rarity of creative talent. Regardless the reason, I continue to scrounge and several times a year I get lucky.

This time, it was the book The Road. I see how Cormac McCarthy won the Pulitzer Prize. He demonstrated the primacy and value of a loving relationship by placing it in a setting that was stripped of everything, including hope. The book was about a father and his son at the end of the world, after some unstated universal calamity where everything on earth was dead or dying. Even in that setting, though, the beauty of love and relationship was inspiring.

They boy was compassionate, sharing what little he had scrounged for survival.

Thawing Out

2010-02-01T21:45:00.002-06:00

Jesus was brilliant. At 30 years of age he discovered that living a life dedicated to preserving the ego was not happening. He discovered freedom and a new way of living based on letting go of the ego and living for the other. Not the path that our culture supports.

****

So, it is possible to build beds to get cold kids off the floor without compassion. Still a good thing to do, but not much of a means of spiritual formation. Let’s not let ourselves be that lazy, though. We need to move from building beds to practicing compassion. This will require us to be intentional, each and every time we get together. We must focus more on the other, put ourselves in their shoes, and drop in (from our heads to our hearts).

Contemplation and action. We must learn how to do this. We must practice both, this week. Then maybe we would have something to talk about.

Comfortably Numb

2010-01-30T00:26:00.004-06:00

Last night at the NCCZ, we asked the question: What does it mean to be intentional during this time? We say that we want to be just as intentional during the NCCZ as we are when we build. It is a time to talk with each other, but not just about anything.

We have always thought of the Bed Project as more than building beds for kids that are sleeping on the floor. We wanted it to be more of a journey, a journey of compassion. To put ourselves in the hot seat, we asked: How are we doing with that journey? If we are on a journey, we should have stories to tell. If we are moving on that journey, we should have seen some new things. We should have encountered dangers and adventures. It should be anything but boring.

But, as John Lennon reportedly said, life is what happens to you when you are making other plans. There lies our challenge. It is easy enough to make beds for kids who don’t have any; compassion doesn’t even have to be involved to get that done. We worked a good two hours on beds last night. Was compassion involved or were we just using power tools? Did we see it passing? There was a moment last night where the doorway to compassion cracked open, if just for a moment.

We found a full size box spring and mattress recently. Last night, we worked on making a headboard for a bed frame. We plan on giving this bed to a woman who lives next door to Heather and Kirby. We learned about her when we were delivering Heather’s bed. In a moment of real connection, Heather had asked us how we found the families to give beds to. She told us about her neighbor who had been in the Woman and Children First shelter and had moved into the apartment next door to her. She did not have a bed. We went next door to meet her. She lived alone in her empty apartment with a couch, which she slept on, a coffee table, and a TV. The coffee table had many bottles of medicine on it, making me wonder if she was in poor health. At the time, we could not promise her anything because we were broke (we are always broke, but we try not to let that stop us). We told her we would see what we could do. That was about a month ago.

Keith had called her yesterday to tell her we had a mattress for her, but we would not be able to deliver it to her for about another week because we were building her a headboard. She responded, “Oh, do I get a headboard? I haven’t had a bed with a headboard since I was a little girl. I am so excited.”

That moment that Keith told us that story was like a subtle hint, or a fleeting, peripheral glimpse. Did we see it? Did we turn to look? Was it there or was it gone?

Moving the Shop?

2010-01-25T22:14:00.002-06:00

We are thinking about moving the Bed Project shop from my basement to a spare building at R Street church. I have mixed feelings about this. I am reluctant - that one, minor, quality I posses, which essentially disqualifies me from ever being an effective leader. That's okay, I will just work on my seashell collection.

Speaking -1

2010-01-16T00:32:00.002-06:00

While I am trying to articulate some positive principles for speaking words of life and light, I keep thinking of negative principles. Least I be accused of being Pollyannaish, I will throw out a few.

1. Preaching or speaking words, no matter how true, out of a place other than love will have the same impact as blah, blah, blah, blah or worse, it might actually drive some further away from the truth.

A long time ago, I use to think that there was some mystical power in saying certain words, such as the four spiritual laws. I thought my mission was to be “bold” and “unashamed” and just get them out there, and God would do the rest, regardless of whether I was coming from a place of love or not. I haven’t believed this for a while. I think it matters whether you are loving or not. Words matter also, they just need a context, and love is a necessary and primary component of that context. The power is in the love, not the words.

I do not equate saying good words with love. We can say all sorts of good words for all sorts of reasons. Love is something that needs to be cultivated in its own right.

I also do not think this is a benign issue. Harm can be done.

I may be setting up a straw man, but that dude was once my mentor (or at least the devil on my shoulder).

Speaking 2

2010-01-15T23:02:00.003-06:00

More on some positive principles on how to speak words of life and light. I will try to speak for myself. These are all ideas that need more practice and drama.

2. If you I haven’t mastered principle # 1, keep quiet and go back to 1.

3. Be slow to speak.

Whatever canned words are in my head are not likely to be what the other person needs to hear. Whatever comes quickly is likely related to some button of mine that was pushed rather than coming from a place of exceptional love and mercy. The process of having something quick to say is likely preventing me from really hearing and seeing the situation. Rather than thinking of what to say, I should be doing some dichotic listening, one ear on the person and the other listening for the whisper, which is easily drowned out by the scripts running through my head. Any words that I have to say that will be half-way meaningful will come from those two sources. One or both of those sources may actually be speaking words of life and light to me, so I need to shut up and listen. While I listen for the whisper, there may not be one, in which case I should keep quiet.

Compassion and Enabling

2010-01-07T00:03:00.003-06:00

Some thoughts from the link Keith commented on in the last post.

If you accept Dictionary.com's definition, compassion is the a feeling of deep sympathy and sorrow for another who is stricken by misfortune, accompanied by a strong desire to alleviate the suffering.

Compassion is something that comes from within and is a feeling and source of motivation to act. It does not specify what the act should be. Suffering is not relieve by compassion but by an action motivated by compassion. Not just any action, but one that improves the suffering situation. Some actions can worsen the situation. We call this enabling. If only we knew what the right action would be in most situations. Beware of anyone that says they easily know. Somebody smart once said that for every complex problem, there is a simple solution, and it is wrong.

It is a Type I versus Type II error issue. The more cautious you are in providing "help," the more likely you are to fail to provide real help in situations in which help is needed. The more liberal you are in providing help, the more likely you are to enable a person's undesirable situation. Both are lazy and probably driven more by our own issues.

I am less interested in either the conservative or liberal approach. They both miss the mark, just on opposite sides.

We are back to finding the narrow ridge, with extremely near sighted vision. We may not know where the path is, but we certainly know we are not on the path when we are tumbling down one side or the other. I think we constantly need to unashamedly ask each other, with each and every step, "Are we on the path?"

Thoughts on My Encounter with Rick

2010-01-01T21:18:00.000-06:00

Here are some of my thoughts about my encounter with and attempt to speak words of life and light to Rick.

Maybe I should have been less concerned about the words I was saying and more disciplined in getting to that place of love.
Rather than pressing the issue, it would have been better to spend my effort dropping in, accessing that place of love, and following my heart. Maybe I should have obeyed my initial lack of prompting and said nothing, but just loved him.
Maybe I would have had different words to say if I were more sensitive.
Maybe those same words would have been impactful in a different situation.
The words I spoke to Rick that night had no perceptible impact, as true as they might have been. I feel certain that the four spiritual laws or any other evangelistic formula would have had the same impact my words did – none.
I left not feeling particularly good about my boldness. I am not sure the words added anything to my actions and encounter with Rick that night.
It was good practice; it confirmed what I think I already knew about how to speak words of life and light.
Rick is in a tough place and a hard case.

I may be wrong on some of these. When I find out, I will stop it.

Speaking Drama 1

2009-12-29T17:08:00.023-06:00

“What’s it going to take, Rick?”

I met Rick about four years ago. He was a regular, one of the chronically homeless that makes up most of the people served under the bridge. His leathered skin makes him look about 40, but it’s hard to say; I’d bet that frame has some high mileage. He looks unmistakably homeless: dirty, unshaven, disheveled, rank; however, he is surprisingly articulate and personable. He usually remembers my name, if he isn’t too inebriated, and almost always engages with me in some banter.

Lately, Rick has been asking me directly for money. You could see the desperation in his unhealthy eyes. He would tell me some socially acceptable story about his need for a dollar or some change. I hated that he had to lie. I hated that I was in such a position of power over him. I hated the darkness that was confining him. The past few encounters, I gave him a couple of dollars out of pity. It would give him a brief reprieve from the gorilla that had taken up residence on his back. Tonight, though, I denied his request.

I looked Rick in the eye and tried to drop in. What should I say? Nothing was coming. Generally, when nothing comes I say nothing. I have this idea that sensitivity and discernment are a critical part of what and how to say words of light and life. However, I have other voices that argue for a less sensitive, more direct approach; some are critical voices from the past, and others are related to my own left-brain preference to be straightforward, not to mention my general lack of confidence and practice in perceiving and following the subtle whispers of my heart. Maybe I should practice the direct approach.

ME: “What’s it going to take, Rick?”
Rick: “To do what?”

I could smell the alcohol on his breath.

ME: “To get you off the streets. What is one thing that is keeping you in your situation?”
Rick: “I like to have a drink every now and then.”
ME: “Do you have a drinking problem?”
Rick: “No.”
ME: “I hate it that you are suffering and having to live like this. God is calling you to a different way of living.”
Rick: “We all just do the best we can.”

The encounter went on for a bit, but this last cliche'd response was consistent with his body language and his subsequent responses. Even the untrained could sense he wasn't going to go there.

Drama is almost always more interesting and instructive than ideas.

Next, I will post what I learned and what questions were raised from this encounter about how to speak words of life and light. Any thoughts?

Mystical Union

2009-12-28T18:17:00.000-06:00

Today is my parents-in-law's 62nd Wedding Anniversary. Nelson is 82 and Sophie is 90. Sophie was diagnosed with cancer about four weeks ago. Within a week, Nelson was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. Today, they both were in the hospital, sharing a room.

This brings marital oneness to a new level.

Speaking 1

2009-12-28T10:18:00.001-06:00

For my own edification and amusement, I will try to articulate some positive principles on how to speak words of life and light.

1. Speak them from a place of exceptional love and mercy.

I don't think this principle is that controversial. I am not into proof texting, but 1 Cor 13 pretty much puts love as primary and anything done without love as inconsequential. The rub will be in defining love. Most of us would have a difficult time operationalizing what it means to speak words from a place of love.

In Luke 6, Jesus talked about about typical and exceptional types of love. One is so easy that even folks like Tony Saprano and Ben Linus do it as a matter of course. The other is exceptional and, by definition, not easy and routine. It is a type of love that has it origins in God himself. It has to be accessed. It has something to do with dying to what Thomas Merton calls the False Self, the self that Jesus said we needed to lose and Paul said we need to lay aside. Speaking words from a place of exceptional love will require the ability to access the Merton's True Self or Paul's New Self, that "inner sanctuary of the soul, where the Light Within never fades, but burns, a perpetual flame, where the wells of living water of divine revelation rise up continuously, day by day and hour by hour, steady and transfiguring" (I love these words from Thomas Kelly). I think some simple, honest reflection reveals that this is not an automatic process and difficult to do.

Speaking words of life and light is less about being "bold" or "unashamed," or, is it fair to say, even speaking about Jesus or the four spiritual laws, and more about putting preeminence on learning to "drop into" that place within us that is the well spring of exceptional love. Do we know how to do this? I don't want to make this harder than it needs to be, nor do I want to make it seems so easy we need not attend to it. The currents working against our ability to do this are strong. Like most things spiritual, I assume it involves seeking.

All this is well and good, but drama is more interesting than ideas. Next, I will post some drama.

2009-12-26T10:33:00.002-06:00

What about...

2009-12-21T22:11:00.000-06:00

What if God had compassion on someone and impressed on an attentive follower's heart to show compassion in a tangible way to that person, would that action be discounted if that person did not also evangelize?

This Week in the NCCZ

2009-12-20T16:54:00.000-06:00

On Thursday nights, a coalition of the willing meets to build beds for families that have no beds and no means to secure any beds. We are intentional during this time because beds don’t build themselves. After a couple of hours, we turn off the saws, stoke up a fire outside the shop, and converse. We try to be as intentional during this time as we are when we build. We do not want to talk about just anything; we are not looking for topics. Ideally, the topics come up through the course of what we are doing. Our experience is that when we actually do something and we pay attention, we meet the material of discipleship head on.

The question this past week related to the how and what of speaking words of life and light to the people we were serving. We have been working at learning to practice exceptional love and mercy. This has kept us pretty busy, as there were lots of things that needed changing in our own hearts and how we did what we did. Our focus was less on “evangelism” and more on letting God’s love do its work within and through us. We still have a long way to go to stay on that narrow ridge of right attitude and action. We have focused less on what we say when we are with the people we serve. Of course, we always say something; we are encountering people after all. I have seen it all, from a forced presentation of Jesus’ atonement to practically nothing at all, and everything in between. I have personally struggled with the words part of what we do. I know what I don’t want to do. I have a theoretical idea of what I want to do, but I struggle with pulling that off. In The Bed Project, we have debated this for several years.

The other night, here was an interesting interaction that reveals some theological and practical issues.

X: “We should talk about Jesus; otherwise they won’t know where we are coming from.”

Y: “Do we?”

Z: “If we don’t talk about Jesus, than it’s just another good deed like anyone else’s.”

Looking back, I wish I were more attentive to the process rather than throwing out my own ideas. I think it would have been good to put Z in the hot seat; it would have been instructive to all of us. I think we can all relate to Z’s response, but are we as aware of the underlying assumptions in such a response? We all could have learned a lot if there had been some more listening and follow-up questioning.

Here are some after-the-fact follow-up questions that I wished I would have asked.

Tell me more about what you mean?
What is the relationship between the words we say and our actions?
Clearly, both are important, but does one have priority over the other?
Is a loving action done by a Christian different than one done by a non-Christian? If so, in what way?
What do you mean by talk about Jesus?

Perhaps we all ought to take our turn in the hot seat.

Speaking words of life and light

2009-12-17T00:29:00.002-06:00

I have been wrestling with how to speak words of life and light to people. We practice this when we visit with the families. What do you say and how do you say it? Before we were to drop off the bed for Kirby, I thought about what I wanted to say and how I wanted to say it. I wrote Kirby a letter to practice articulating some thoughts I wanted him to know. I hadn't planned on giving him the letter, but at the last minute decided to.

Here is the letter.

Hello Kirby:

I am looking forward to delivering your bed. I will watch you help us set it up; I anticipate your smile as you lay on it for the first time. My hope is that we will leave you with more than just a comfortable bed. My prayer is that each night, as you lay in your warm bed, you will remember that God and his goodness have come to you.

You see, Kirby, although there is evil, hate, and violence in this world, there is a network of goodness out there, too. You can see this goodness around you if you look carefully. Many people helped to build and pay for your bed because it was a good thing to do. God’s love moved in the hearts of these strangers to show you that he loves you. I hope that you will remember this at times when you are afraid, lonely, or sad.

Thank you for letting us come into your home and visit with you. You are helping us learn to be part of this love and goodness. God’s love motivated us to do this little thing for you. Meeting you helps us experience and understand God better. My desire is that this simple act of kindness will help you, too, experience and understand God better, and that God will move in your heart to show kindness to others.

Sleep well and godspeed, Kirby.

After we finished setting up the beds and visited a bit, I gave him and his mother the letter in a sealed envelope and told them that they could read it later. The group said thier goodbyes and walked down from their apartment into the parking lot.

We were mingling around in a sort of circle talking and kind of savoring the moment. After about 5 minutes, Kirby came out of his apartment and down the stairs, Without saying anything he came up to me and gave me a hug. I asked him, "What's this for?" "The letter," he said. He then went around the group, giving each of them a hug, When he was finished, he quietly went back upstairs.

What was that all about? The hug was spontaneous, even if his mother put him up to it. I experienced his hug as genuine. Was there something in the letter that compelled him to connect with us at a deeper level than he had? Did the letter communicate with him at a deeper level that could not have happened by just giving the bed alone?
When we gave him the bed, he was happy and thankful When we gave him some words from our heart he was touched by something and was compelled to give us hugs. Actions and words. They both communicated something.

Bait and Switch 4

2009-12-15T22:12:00.002-06:00

There were some interesting comments over on the JesusCreed blog that related to my previous posts (bait and switch). It is nice to see that others are talking about this stuff.

From Chris:
"Here's a question. Where do the missional folks stand with respect to salvation? Are the missional folks working toward conversion? Does it matter for the missional folks? I find the missional idea that all of life is mission very appealing. The missional imagination seems to advocate the idea that caring for the poor has value in and of itself and that caring for the homeless is not simply another 'way' of reaching the lost."

From RJS:
"I don't think caring for the poor - or anything else is simply another way to reach the lost. Rather caring for the poor and everything else is a way to enter into the mission of God - which will reach the lost.

But "missional" will only enter into the mission of God if it acknowledges and proclaims God's actions and mission in the world. So as I see it this means that evangelism is an indispensable part of anything that is missional."

From Scot:
"Chris, RJS gets this right and I see this in this book, though the book is not a manual on evangelism or even on how evangelism fits into the missional imagination. There is no question that some have opted for "missional" because they don't like "evangelism" or don't want to do "evangelism." Some have said "missional" is the way to evangelism, but don't get to evangelism. But, missional in its fullest sense involves evangelism because God's mission is to tell the Story of Jesus."

I would add to what Scot said: "...and some have opted for "evangelism" because they don't like "missional."

My pendulum has swung over to the "missional" side of things and away from "evangelism." For me it was a needed correction. In the Christian culture I was surrounded by for most of my life, "evangelism" was viewed as the ultimate goal. The rest was optional. I don't buy that anymore. I am trying to articulate what I do buy. I agree with Chris that exceptional love and mercy stands on its own and is not subordinate to "evangelism." However, I do think there is something to speaking words of life and light. I just don't think you can do that until you have a certain level of spiritual formation. In the circles I have hung out with, there was an implicit view that actually becoming Christ-like was optional and often bypassed under the delusion that we had a higher calling - "saving souls."

There is no short cut. That which short cuts attempt to bypass is the point, it is the good news. There is a new way to live and it is good. The current of our self and culture is swift, however. We must put out intentional. well-directed effort. Then we will find grace. Then we will be changed. Then we will learn to participate in what God is doing in our community. Then we will have words that give life and light. This is not to be bypassed. It is to be savored.

Bait and Switch 3

2009-12-12T01:45:00.002-06:00

Not sure what more I want to say about the bait and switch approach to evangelism, except that the whole enterprise may be misguided - a lazy attempt to short cut the process of spiritual formation that is necessary to speak words of life and light - I don't think you can get there from here. We need to get something to give and I don't mean words coming from a being devoid of his goodness. We need to participate in the divine nature.

Peter, in the first chapter of his 2nd letter, set out a spiritual formation path. He said for us to "make every effort to..." (translate intentional, well-directed effort). With some good effort and some grace, things happen. At the end of his list of spiritual disciplines he says, "For if you possess these qualities (being) in increasing measure, they will keep you from being ineffective and unproductive.

I want to be in a group that wants to figure out how to do this. We are not ready for the beach until we do. As Peter said, "if you don't have them, you are nearsighted and blind, and you have forgotten that you have been cleansed from your past sins."

Let's ask a question of the bait and switchers. Have they made every effort in following the recommendation of Peter? Have they figured out how to possess these godly qualities in inceasing measure? If they haven't, skip the beach. Go out to the desert instead, preferably alone and figure out how to do this.

My fear is that we prematurely send these young kids out that have not made every effort at spiritual formation, but since "they have not love" there words are blah blah blah, and they are ineffective and unproductive. They wouldn't know, however, since they can't see well or might even be spiritually blind.

I don't blame the zealous kids. I blame the industry that has been created around the efforts of these kids. Something else is driving this industry. I have been in churches for 30 years, and I can say that they do a lousy job of promoting spiritual formation. You can't give what you don't got, and, unfortunately, many churches don't got it to give. So we settle for things like bait and switch.

I vote we send the next batch not to Florida, but to the desert for the summer to learn how to tap into the River of God, the source of what we need for godly living. After three summers of this, they might be ready for the beach and I'd bet they would have words of life and light to speak. I'd also bet they would not need the bait and switch.

I would be interested in joining with a few that wanted to make every effort. I need to, because I am tired of being nearsighted and blind. I want to learn to speak words of life and light.

Bait and Switch 2

2009-12-09T23:18:00.003-06:00

What exactly is the issue I have with the bait and switch approach to evangelism?

My last post I talked about love as being an end. A former pastor of mine felt that saving souls was the ultimate form of love. I would grant that there may be some truth in that if evangelism were motivated by that sentiment, but how does one get to that place of such pure motivation? Let’s talk through a couple of scenarios.

Let’s assume that God is highly concerned with reconciling people to herself (Alanis, right?). A person who has learned to tap into the River of God, which requires dropping in below the level of the distractions of self and paying attention, and goes with the flow, would be impelled to participate in the process of God reconciling people to himself. I will call this “God conspiring” to avoid the baggage of the word evangelism.

A person that is accustom to doing this is in an exceptional place. I would want to follow that dude or dudette around for a while. I would be his or her apprentice. I would invite him to come under the bridge with me and watch him. I would take her with me to deliver some beds to some kids sleeping on the floor and watch and listen. I would ask him to teach me. I strongly suspect that that person would show exceptional love and mercy and would speak words of light and life. She would do both. I would learn to do both.

I have somewhat of a handle on what the former would look like. I have put myself in situations enough to know when I see it. This usually involves having such a keen awareness of it in the moment that you are left mumbling something like “this is good” under your breath. I have less of a handle of what the later would look like. How do you speak words of life and light? It would be a good thought experiment to consider what that would look like. There could be some good fireside chats about this in the NCCZone.

I think there is one other consideration in our scenario. I highly suspect that there is an exquisite level of discernment acting through it all. Just as Jesus looked up from that crowded street and saw Zacheus and spoke words of life and light, or when he turned in the pressing crowd when a suffering woman touched his robe and spoke words of life and light, or when he stopped at the invalid at Bethesda and spoke words of life and light, or when….

Jesus did speak in other ways; more on that later. Contrast this God conspiring approach to the bait and switch approach. What is missing in the bait and switch approach, besides more directness? Let’s give these young people from CC the benefit of the doubt. They are hungry for God. They want to serve. They give up their summer (well, not exactly, they get their way paid to spend the summer on the beach and earn money while they do it.). Okay, they give up some of their free time after working. They do some sincere intercessory prayer, then they hit the beach with their clipboards and fake official badges and go towel to towel, bait them with a faux survey and subtly make the switch. They speak words, which most are not interest in, but every now and then someone might. What is different in this approach than the one described above?

Bait and Swith

2009-12-07T23:57:00.003-06:00

I am back from my Facebook experiment. I don't know why I thought that would work.

I listened to a recent podcast of This American Life - which I highly recommend - called Bait and Switch. One of the stories was from a guy that use to do Campus Crusade type evangelism, which is essentially a Bait and Switch model. I was never involved in this type of evangelism, but I have heard about it from others. You essentially bait people by pretending you are doing a survey, which you really aren't, or you stage a fake party. Once they take the bait, then you pull the switch on them by preaching to them or talking to them about God in some way. Sort of an Amway approach.

When I did street evangelism years ago, we just went right up to someone and asked them point blank if they knew Jesus. We skipped the bait and the switch. I had problems with the way we did it back then, but I think it was at least more honest. Then there is relationship evangelism, perhaps a more sinister type of bait and swith. In this, you actually develop a relationship with a person as a means to evangelize that person.

In the podcast, the Christian guy they were interviewing said he no longer uses the bait and switch approach. He now just develops relationships with people, sort of a bait without the switch. Do the ends every justify the means? Maybe it is all about the means and less about the end.

We are doing that with Eugene. We are developing a relationship with him for no other reason than our paths crossed. Their will be no switch. I just live my life with him; I come along side of his life and love him.

We give beds to poor kids that are sleeping on the floor. The beds are not bait, they are beds to keep the kids comfortable and warm at night with some dignity - a correction of a small injustice. There also is no switch. It is an act motivated by compassion. When we drop off those beds, that's it. We are there in love, drop off the beds, and then leave.

Maybe in the kingdom, God is about going to the oppressed, correcting injustices, and showing them His love. The wind of the Spirit blows, looking for attentive and obediant Jesus followers to carry this out. Maybe that's it. Maybe exceptional love and mercy is the means and the end.

Still Writing

2009-11-04T20:27:00.001-06:00

Just over on Facebook for now. I know it is a step down, but time is limited.

Transformation 8b

2009-10-06T22:06:00.005-05:00

Greg was a strange dude. I don't advocate his approach, which lacked any social skills or tact. The fact that I responded says more about my need than Greg's approach. I'll bet that he offended 100 people with his approach prior to our encounter, with little success. I was hungry enough for an experience with God that I was even willing to follow a character like Greg.

Turns out, Greg didn't really hear God's voice in the literal sense. He was talking code. I took it literally. After all, I was reading Carlos Castaneda; I believed stranger things than that.

It was only a few weeks after I prayed with Greg that I was walking Whittier Blvd witnessing to unbelievers. This little church believed that God was coming any day and our mission was to convert as many as we could until that time. No time for training or discipleship, God was skipping over that (this was 1978).

It was a dynamic little church while it lasted. To this day, I haven't heard a better preacher than the pastor of that church. He had no formal training. I would consider him my second mentor I have had in my life, my psychic roommate, Randy, being the first. If only the married youth pastor had not tried to hit on my younger brother's girlfriend, maybe things would have been different. The church ended up imploding. Greg and the pastor both lost their faith.

Just my luck. Why couldn't have been Richard Foster or Dallas Willard instead of Greg? Although they were a strange group and they led me down some significant detours, they reintroduced me to Jesus and I have never been able to shake him.

Transformation 8

2009-10-04T21:31:00.002-05:00

I am reluctant to include my "conversion testimony" in my top 5 all-time life changes, but it needs to be there. I certainly was a life changer. The down-side was that it introduced me to a culture that often had little spirituality connected with it. That part was a huge side-track in my spiritual formation. It took me decades to get past. It continues to have aversive associations in my mind. I often cannot even here the name Jesus without unattractive images and experiences coming to mind. Lot of good came out of as well, it's just difficult to sift through it all. Nonetheless, here is the story.

After moving back from Arizona, I continued my reading of things spiritual and meditating. And I got married. Linda had a childhood girlfriend named Darlene who was marrying the son of the associate pastor of a small charismatic church that met in a YMCA. Linda was a bridesmaid for Darlene. It happened at the rehearsal dinner.

You have to picture the scene. I didn't know anybody there except Darlene and Linda. I had long hair (I was born blonde, but it has been a while). I was standing off by myself, bored, when this dude named Greg came up to me. He had a boys regular hair cut, a button down shirt tucked into his pants which were securely held high on his hips by his cinched down belt. He had a big fat bible in one hand. He approached me with his hand stuck out and a big smile on his face.

"Hi. My name is Greg. Do you know Jesus as your personal savior?"

Oh no. Think fast.

"Yeah," I said, hoping it would put him off.

"Praise God," Greg exclaimed. Undetered, he opened his big bible, licked his index finger and began flipping pages. "I was reading in the Gospel of John the other day and God told me..." He said a bunch of other stuff, but I honestly don't remember any of it. I was rescued by the host announcing that dinner was being served. I sat at a different table than Greg.

A strange thing happened that evening and the next morning. The phrase "God told me..." kept playing in my head. I had been meditating for about a year and reading lots of spiritual books and God had not told me anything. Why is God talking to this weird dude and not me? I felt a stong compulsion to go Greg's church that morning.

"Would you think I was weird if I told you I wanted to go to Darlene's church this morning?" I asked Linda.

"Why?"

"I don't know. I think I need to talk to that Greg guy."

We drove across town to the YMCA that the church met in. It was about 11:45 am and we figured that church would let out in about 15 minutes. We sat in the parking lot, waiting for people to come filing out. Turns out that "Pastor Al" was speaking that morning. He was the associate pastor of that little church. He was not the most dynamic speaker. He had a tendency to go on and on and speak well past the typical ending time. He always blamed God for his long-windedness. "I don't want to squelch the Spirit" he would always say.

We sat in that parking lot for freakin' minutes. I remember wrestling with myself during that time. This is stupid. Let's get out of here. But I couldn't pull myself up to leave.

Finally, we saw people shuffling out of the hall where the church met. I walking into the room, spotted Greg leaning up against a table talking with someone at the back and walked right up to him.

"Mark, what are you doing here?"

"You said something last night that I can't get off my mind. You said God told you something. I want God to speak to me."

Greg wasted no time. He sat me down, opened his bible and talked me through several verses. I don't remember any of it, but I am sure it was the "Roman's road." He asked me if I wanted to pray to receive God into my heart. I did.

Transformation 7

2009-09-29T23:25:00.004-05:00

When I am thinking through things, I am sure I am wrong about some. If I knew which parts I was wrong, I would stop it. One of the ways I have come to know that I may be on to something is when others are also talking about it. If something is true, it must be discoverable by others. There was a discussion about change on the Jesus Creed blog today. That blog can get theological, but if you can wade through it and the comments, there is some good stuff there.

I have been blogging through the idea of significant life changes or transformation. Change seems to be a desired thing for Christians; at least we sing and talk about it a lot. Jesus directly taught that if we follow him, some amazing change would happen (something about rivers of living water flowing from our innermost being).

How does this change take place? Do we do it on our own or does God do it all? Beware if dichotomies. I love this CS Lewis quote:

"He [The Devil] always sends errors into the world in pairs- pairs of opposites . . . He relies on your extra dislike of the one error to draw you gradually into the opposite one. But do not let us be fooled. We have to keep our eyes on the goal and go straight through between both errors. We have no other concern than that with either of them."

Sounds an awful lot like our ridge path metaphor. Let’s not do it on our own. Let’s not passively wait for grace to rain down. Let’s try and stay on the path.

My position on change is that it is hard. We often sing about power and grace “raining down” on us on Sunday mornings. My observation is that this is more of a longing that it is a reality. In my 30 years of hanging out in churches, that kind of spontaneous, passive change doesn’t happen. I can’t say that it has never happened this way. God can do whatever God wants; however, it appears he very rarely wants to.

We need to stop expecting this kind of spontaneous, passive change. We probably should stop singing about it on Sunday mornings. That’s like singing about crossing the finish line of a marathon race or climbing a mountain without doing any training, or sitting in the back of a van smoking dope and talking about leaving home with no intention of doing so. It makes us like Beer Man.

A changed life seems to require a mystical balance between grace and intentional, well-directed effort. Connection with the divine, faith, brokenness, and humility and a well thought out training plan seem to be both necessary for significant change. That seems to be how God wants it to be most of the time (allowing for the very rare exception).

The sad fact is that few people ever run a marathon. A running partner might help; better yet, a running group.

Transformation 6b

2009-09-28T22:59:00.002-05:00

I drove most of the night through the Mohave Desert and pulled off to the side of the road to catch some sleep. I woke up in my van to a sunrise in the high desert. It was breathtakingly beautiful, a fitting start to a new life. I felt free, no longer boxed into a life as Mark, the doper mechanic. Who was I? The answer no longer seemed scripted.

That morning, I drove into Flagstaff, AZ to an old friend's apartment. I had known Randy in high school. He was a unique individual; the kind of guy that could strike up a conversation with a stranger as if they were best of friends. He had graduated from Northern Arizona University and was working at a local sporting goods store in town. He let me stay on the couch of his apartment.

Randy became the first of only a few mentors I have had in my life. He introduced me to the spiritual dimension. He was into an eclectic brand of eastern religion and reincarnation. We stayed up late into the nights talking about life and spirituality. He taught me about sensitivity and awareness. I ate it up.

During that time, I discovered books. Prior to this time, the only book I remember having read cover to cover was Black Tiger at the Indianapolis, in 7th grade. My classmate and friend, Wayne Hitrolski was reading Moby Dick. I had discovered that reading was actually interesting and enjoyable. With my newfound spirituality, I began devouring books, starting with Carlos Castaneda and his tales of drug-induced adventures with a Yaqui Indian shaman name Don Juan. It - blew - me - away.

Randy taught me a version of transcendental meditation. My journey in search of God had begun. It was an electric time. I met a new group of people who knew nothing of my past. I wasn’t burdened by expectations and the future appeared wide open.

My time with Randy was cut short by us (Randy, myself, and a roommate named Lance) all being hauled off to the Flagstaff jail. Turns out Lance was the “Ski Mask Bandit” that had been terrorizing Flagstaff for the few months he live with us. His failed attempt to rob a local bank led the entire Flagstaff police department to our apartment on winter morning. We were unaware that we had been living with a sociopath. Searching for evidence, the police put everything in our apartment in big pile in the middle of the living room. The landlord gave us 24 hours to get out. Broke, I packed up my van and moved back to southern California.

I lived in Flagstaff for the better part of a year. I have many incredible stories to tell about that time. In many ways, I consider this time my “testimony.” Although telling it in a church wouldn’t fly. My more churchy testimony is not near as interesting.

I was returning, but I was not the same person who had left.

Ch-ch-ch-changes…

Transformation 6

2009-09-27T21:43:00.008-05:00

Posts 3-5 in this series are on Facebook. I can't decide which forum to post on.

Another one of my top five life changes happened at 21 years of age. Part of the impetus for that change may have been the coming of age thing. I had been living the post-teen life; you know that phase where you are out of high school, but still doing the high school thing - going to parties, hanging with friends, living at home. What gets you out of this mode? I know some people that never got out of that mode.

When I was in high school there was this guy called "Beer Man." We never knew his real name. He had long blonde hair with a slightly receding hairline and a beer belly. I never knew how old he was; he looked to be in his 30's. I knew he was over 21 because several times per week he would ride his bike past our house to the liquor store to pick up a six-pack. He was at all the high school parties. He lived at home with his mother.
I had another friend, Steve (we called him "Madre" because he called everybody mother). He was a body and paint guy. I was a mechanic, so we hung out. He always had a driveway full of cars in various states of body repair. Last year I visited his house when I was home for my grandmother’s funeral. He still lives in his parents’ house and his driveway looked like it did 30 years ago. Apparently, coming of age does not always result in life change. Some people never really strive for change or transformation.

Steve and I frequently talked about “taking off,” mostly when we were high. I was in favor of actually planning and saving some money, but Steve wanted to just leave with the change in our pockets and hop a train. I remember the day when I determined that it was time for me to break out of the rut my life seemed to be in. It wasn't going anywhere. I woke up the morning after a party that teenagers dream about, at least the ones I hung out with. In one of my typical morning after, guilt-ridden, self-punishing ways, I drove over to Steve’s house and asked him if he were ready to take off. Turns out, he was all talk. Nevertheless, I had resolve.

At the time, I was restoring a 1961 Ford Econoline van in my parent’s garage. I had determined that I would leave once the van was finished. That also gave me time to save some money and find someone to go with me. Even then, I had a sense that change is easier when done with someone else. I shared by plan with several friends and coworkers. The plan was to take off with no destination in mind, to travel to places across the country until the money ran out, work for a while, and take off again. Most everyone that I talked with thought this was an awesome idea, but when it came down to it, none would commit to go with me.

One guy I worked with at the auto parts store agreed to go with me. I can't remember his name, but he had a distinctive afro. We spent many evenings smoking dope and talking about where we will go and what we would do. After months of planning, I have a vivid memory of the night he came to my door with his head down to tell me that he couldn’t go – something about going back to school; what kind of excuse is that?

Do I stay at home, living in the same old rut, or go by myself? That seems to be the story of my life. All the talk about community sounds good, but often, with change, when it comes right down to it, I haven’t been that lucky. I determined to go it alone.

The afternoon I left, about 15 my friends and family stood in my parents’ driveway in a line. I went down the line saying my goodbyes one-by-one. Linda, my girlfriend of four years at the time, was the last in line. I never made it to her, she ran off crying into the house.

I climbed into my newly restored, freshly painted van, cranked up my man, Neil Young, and drove off with the balloons tied to the antennae flapping in the wind, with a flick of the wrist, waving goodbye to an old way of life. It was a new beginning.

Change takes courage. It's scary. It requires a certain tenacity. It helps when the status quo isn't happening for you.

Moved

2009-09-19T09:41:00.002-05:00

I've reluctantly moved over to facebook. So far, I am not sure I like it. I may be back here shortly. The notes function on facebook does not appear to be as flexible, but I will try facebook for a bit. I probably won't do well over there since I don't do chitchat well. I moved because we are trying a bed project group over there. I can't manage 4 sites, so I will try and combine facebook and my blogging together. See you there, or not.

Transformation 2

2009-09-15T19:52:00.000-05:00

One of the most transforming experiences I have had was running a marathon. Before the marathon, I had never run more than about 5 miles at one time, I had no confidence that I could ever run 26.2 miles, and I had no desire to try. In a matter of 17 weeks, that all changed. How did such a change take place? It wasn’t a matter of will. You can’t just go out and run a marathon. The first person that ever did it dropped dead at 26.2 miles. The human body is built to run no more than about 20 miles. Something has to change to be able to finish and not curl up in the fetal position on the side of the road.

I was at my friend Joe’s house at a Christmas party in 2004. Here is what happened.

“I think I am going to run in the Little Rock marathon,” Joe said.

I plugged my ears, because I knew what was coming next.

Pulling out a training schedule, “Look, you are already doing the runs during the week; all you need to do is add a little longer run on the weekend.”

After several minutes of me resisting, Joe said in his typical encouraging way: “How about we do this first long run (6 miles) on Saturday.”

“Okay,” I said, “but I am not committing to running the marathon with you, just to running on Saturday.”

At the end of our Saturday run, I had run further than I ever had. “See, you did it,” Joe encouraged. “Yeah, but if this were the marathon, I would still have another 20.2 miles to go. No way,” I said.

I agreed to run with him the next Saturday, but was adamant that I was not committing to running the marathon. At the end of each longer and longer Saturday run, Joe would be so encouraging about what we did, and I would pessimistically remind him of how many more miles we would have to continue running to complete a freakin’ marathon. It didn’t seem to faze him, he just invited me to run with him the next Saturday.

As we followed training schedule, mileage of our long run gradually increased. I began to wonder if it would be possible for me to complete the marathon. I figured if I could get up to 16 miles, maybe it would be possible. With each long run, my confidence slowly increased.

In addition to the change in my confidence, my body was changing. Each long run was difficult, but every run after the long run became easier. Our longest run during the training was 20 miles. It was insane, but we did it. The 6-mile runs during the week became a piece of cake. I was not tired and still had lots of energy after those “short” runs. What little body fat I had was being sucked off. My weight dropped to what it was when I graduated from high school.

Interestingly, I did not lose that annoying middle age roll of fat on my waist. I had that same roll at the end of the marathon. I understand that evolution has programmed our bodies to retain body fat for emergencies, like a famine, but, what the heck, doesn’t running 26.2 miles constitute a physical emergency? What was my body saving that roll of fat for?

Come race day, the transformation was complete. My confidence was high and my body was literally twitching; it could wait to run. The transformation did not happen in the race. It happened in the training. The race was just the frosting on the cake. The race was insanely intense, starting about mile 17. It was like being on another planet.

How did that transformation take place? I had social support. I would never made it without Joe encouraging me. We set small goals. We only focused on the next long run. We had a plan; we followed a training program. I restructured my time so that I could work the training program.

Interestingly, some elements of the transformation persist four years later. I remain confident that I could run a marathon if I properly trained. Physically, I am now in no better shape that when I started my marathon training. Physical fitness must be maintained. Use it or lose it.

While I was in my marathon training, I often wondered what would happen if I dedicated myself to spiritual training like I did for the marathon. Why would we expect spiritual transformation to work differently than other life transformations? Maybe that erroneous expectation prevents the kind of spiritual transformation that we long for.

That thought led to one of my other “top five” transformation experiences (next post).

P.S. I highly recommend running a marathon, at least just once. You will experience radical changes. Marathon is life.

Transformation

2009-09-13T23:29:00.001-05:00

In the circles I run in, “transformation” is something to desire and seek after. It’s kind of a buzzword or spiritual jargon. Transformation seems to imply something stronger than change – sort of a complete makeover. Jesus reinforces this idea of a need for change with statements like “I tell you the truth, unless you change…” It all sounds so radical.

Change is a hard thing. People pay lots of money for someone to help them change. Interestingly, many of them still resist the process. In the church, this idea of transformation is regularly put out there as needed and possible, but I don’t recall any significant instruction or examples of how to make it happen. Slow change is inevitable in life, but transformation implies something more radical than slow change. How do big changes in our life happen?

One view, the one that I seemed to hold through much of my Christian life, is that there was nothing you could do, it all had to come from God. I am not sure where that notion came from. This approach is passive, other than the asking part. So, I waited, and waited, and waited…for grace to “rain down.” I wish it happened that way. I am sure it could happen that way, unfortunately, I don’t observe it. From an empirical standpoint, I would have to advise against this approach.

Dallas Willard was the first one to break me of this passive mind set, at least as it related to spiritual change. He argued that grace and effort were compatible (effort was not equal to earning). He would say, “Surely you can do nothing without God, but if you do nothing, it will most certainly be without Him.” Funny thing was, I did not take this passive approach to change in other areas of my life. I changed my fitness level by actually exercising. I gained knowledge by reading. I got better at writing by writing. I developed some compassion by actually confronting injustice.

I have several big changes I have made in my life that led to a sort of transformation. I will post about them next.

Looking Up

2009-09-01T22:18:00.001-05:00

I was out running through two-rivers park the other day (a 6 mile run, Iceberg). It was an incredible day, one of those spring/fall Arkansas days that makes all the summer heat and humidity tolerable. Given the unusual amount of rain we have had this summer, the growth was luscious and green. I was one of only a few people in the park. It was one of those days that I sensed I should put away the ipod.

When I run, I tend to have my head down and become absorbed in thought. This time is generally productive, many ideas are birthed and problems solved. However, I tend to spend way too much time in this mode. When in this state, I often hear a quiet voice deep within whispering, “look up.” It is an invitation to another state of mind, another way of being. When I look up, I get an acute sense of the present where my thoughts recede and the beauty, the gentle wind, and the warmth of the sun around me become prominent.

I stopped at a bench off the trail under the shade of a green canopy overlooking the Arkansas River. I decided to spend some time there just being. I was not alone, the place was teaming with life.

I am glad I heard the voice. I need to look up more often.

Chitchat 4

2009-09-01T21:09:00.003-05:00

I think I will stop this thread now. I wrote out a rant about facebook but decided not to post it. It would just make me seem like a jackass and would just offend people I don't want to offend.

Suffice to say that I don't like to chitchat much. I want to be able to facebook, but am afraid that it would be too much like being stuck at a party I wasn't having fun at. I know, I am antisocial. Instead, I am outside looking in through a window of a party I wasn't invited to.

Someone needs to start a new social networking site for people who don't like to chitchat; however, I wouldn't recommend investing in that startup.

Chitchat 3

2009-08-30T21:28:00.000-05:00

My wife recently opened a new Facebook account. The first few days she had more friends than I would have come to my funeral. I watched each day as our email account was inundated with Facebook notifications. I have to admit, I was jealous. I have like two friends in the world and in a week, my wife has 75 new friends.

Am I missing something? I wonder if I should open a facebook account. (I actually tried several years ago, but that was when you had to be a student. I guess they were trying to keep old guys like me out.)

So, I have been sneaking around of facebook recently using Linda’s account, just to see what it is all about. So far, I don’t get it. I want to get it. I am looking for a reason to open an account. Not much luck so far. And it has something to do with chitchat.

Chitchat 2

2009-08-30T14:29:00.000-05:00

I understand the function of chitchat as an initial pleasantry or as a necessary prelude to some more meaningful interaction. I use it, albeit sparingly. However, I don’t have much tolerance for it beyond the initial pleasantries. I don’t enjoy it nor cared to develop my skills in it. It drains me.

I understand that the first 30 seconds of chitchat are often required in most interactions. Otherwise, people might think we have some kind of social disorder. The problem is that many people are content for the interaction to never progress beyond the level of chitchat. I dislike those types of situations and avoid them if possible. Do you want to go deep for some time? I’m with you. Do you want to talk about nothing for more than about one minute? I’m not. Maybe that’s why I am perceived as a heartless bastard.

Which brings me to Facebook.

Chitchat

2009-08-30T01:11:00.001-05:00

I was at the gym the other day on the treadmill when one of the trainers came through working the room. I watched him make his way, chitchatting with several of the members. I listened to him chitchat with the guy next to me for a good 7-8 minutes.

I was tracking with their chitchat. I was 90% accurate in predicting what they would say and which clichés they would use next.

I cranked up my speed to the next level hoping that he would see me sucking wind and not try to engage me next.

Taxi Fare Post Post Script

2009-08-27T23:36:00.000-05:00

We were under the bridge Tuesday night. I saw Bill, the man who was with the woman that needed the money. I asked him. She did make it to the bus station, for whatever that is worth in this story.

Jerry

2009-08-19T23:21:00.002-05:00

I met Jerry about 4 years ago when I spent a night under the Broadway Bridge on a compassion field trip. He was friendly and clean and sober. At that point, he had been on the streets 5 years. In the past he had a drinking problem. He was a truck driver. He lost his job due to to many unpaid tickets. He apparently had burned his bridges with his family because of his drinking.

We visited every week for about three years. He never asked for anything. He was distinctive with his wool cap, grey beard, and camo outfit. He wore this all year, in the heat of summer or the cold of winter.

About a year ago, one of his kids took him off the streets, after 8 years. He aged into social security and was finally able to keep off the streets. We missed seeing him, but were happy for him.

I heard last week that he is in Conway General Hospital after suffering a couple of strokes.

I thought about how those 8 years may have contributed to his health problems. Yes, there are compassionate people providing food for the homeless, but too often it is hot dogs, pizza, and other not so healthy foods. There is a health price for eating that way.

It is nice when we are able to bring more nutritious food.

Say a prayer for Jerry.

Taxi Fare Post Script

2009-08-17T20:10:00.002-05:00

Giving the poor woman $10 was not a particularly noble thing. It was the easier thing to do. Acutally picking her up and taking her to the bus station may have been the more loving thing to do. It would have provided another point of contact and may have been experienced by her as more loving. But I was lazy and selfish. That being said, I am sure the $10 meant a lot to her.

Taxi Fare 6? (or, Giver Her Freakin' Money, Already)

2009-08-16T21:54:00.005-05:00

"Mark, I know we have a no-cash policy, but there's a woman over there that needs some money."

"What does she need it for?"

"She says she needs it for taxi fare to get to the bus station."

Why is she coming to me with this? She must think this woman really needs help.

"Which one is she?"

"The woman over there in the blue."

Feeling a need to further assess the situation, I walked over to the woman and to ask her more details about what she needed the money for.

Freeze frame for just a minute.

Is asking her to explain why she is asking for money a good thing to do? Will it better lead to the truth? Why ask for more details? Am I the judge of this poor woman's worthiness? Doesn't this just set her up to lie? It better be a good explanation or you won't get the money. Am I a better discerner of the truth than the next guy? What do I say to this woman?

What did I know about the situation? I knew that she was poor. She was in one of the lowest positions in our society. She was standing in line with the lowest of the low to get a free meal. She had a bus ticket dated that day with a 5:50 am departure time from LR to El Dorado. She asked Elizabeth for some money. I had some money that I could have blown my nose with and my life would be no different. I would be leaving in my white truck in a few minutes to drive to the other side of town to my comfortable home.

Was there something she was going to say that would make me any more aware of the truth of the situation? Maybe. I hated that I might be tempting her to lie to me. I hated that I was in this position of power over her.

I have been in other situations where someone asked for money with a great story of need. A few simple questions and attempts to problem solve with the person revealed that it probably was not a true story.

Let me just interact with her a bit and maybe I can at least reassure myself that it is not an obvious trick. I asked. She answered. No obvious inconsistencies in her story.

Maybe I should avoid the whole money thing and offer to pick her up tomorrow morning and drive her to the bus station. No, it would be worth $10 to not have to get up that early. Your being lazy. No, I'm being practical.

Listen. Drop in...what are you sensing? God, ...? You have the money. Don't put her through this, help this poor woman. But... You will never know what you are wanting to know. Why is this so hard for you? Quiet your mind for a minute. Follow your heart. Give to all who ask. Don't fail this test. Give her the money and give it with love and don't look back.

"God bless you," I said, shaking her had with a $10 bill in it.

Driving away from under the bridge, wow, another amazing night under the bridge.

Taxi Fare 5?

2009-08-11T17:33:00.003-05:00

What make us generally distrustful when someone asks us for money? I had a friend who once said that he likes to help people who don't ask for anything, but does not like to help someone who asks. Why? Jesus didn't say give to only those that do not ask.

To speak for myself, I have this aversion to being taken advantage of. I think it relates to a bad experience I had buying my first new car. I was sucker for the old car salesman's switcheroo technique. Funny thing was, I seemed to know I was being taken advantage of, but felt helpless. I remember crying after I bought that first Toyota Tercel (for $3000 brand new!). To this day, I hate buying cars and all car salesmen.

I think it is a Type 1 versus Type II error situation. Type I error is false positive, and Type II error is False negative.

So, the lady who asked me for $10 either needed the money for what she said she did (positive) or she did not (negative), and I either give her the money or I do not. There are four outcomes in this situation, two are correct and two are errors. The two errors in this situation would be to give the money to her when she really didn't need it for what she said she did (Type I - false positive), and I don't give her the money when she really did need it for what she said she did (Type II error - false negative).

Since we can never really know the truth in situations like this, we have to respond in a way that reduces one of the two type of errors. As you reduce one type of error, you increase the other. I could completely minimize Type I error by never giving money to those that ask, and I would never be taken advantage of; however, I would make lots of Type II errors by failing to be generous to lots of trully needy people. I could also give to all who ask, minimizing Type II errors, but I would increase Type I errors by inadvertantly giving money to lots of crackheads.

Which error is more tolerable? Is it worse to be taken advantage of or to fail to be generous to someone in need. Of course, we want to be smart and balance the two types of errors in some optimal fashion.

For much of my life, I was driven by some type of neurotic fear of being taken advantage of. It wasn't until I failed a test, where I sent away a desparate mother of three kids because of this fear, that my eyes were open to that part of myself. I have been determined to not fail the next test; however, I also do not want to give money to crack heads.

Should I give her the$10? Quiet. Listen. Talk to her again. Breath.

Taxi Fare 4?

2009-08-05T23:44:00.002-05:00

My friend, Nathan, is teaching us about the power differential in situations like this. This poor woman has needs. I have the money. I hold the power. She has to ask me for my money. I get to decide whether to give it to her or not. I am in control. I have all the power in the relationship. That's the way it works in our system.

Jesus said, give to all who ask.

Taxi Fare 3?

2009-08-04T22:58:00.005-05:00

Jesus said, give to everyone that asks.

Yes, I know that Paul, or somebody spiritual, said if you don't work you don't eat. Okay, but Jesus said give to everyone that asks. I don't know what the context was for the no work no eat passage, but Jesus spoke his words in his sermon on the plain. It is tucked in with some other hard sayings describing exceptional love and mercy. It is a new way of living, kingdom living. So much different than what our culture teaches. In fact, pretty much the opposite. No rugged individualism here.

Not sure what to do with this verse.

I know it played in my head the other night, as did lots of other ideas, as I was reflecting on whether to give the poor woman $10.

Another thought that went through my head was that that $10 I had in my truck was nothing to me. I could have just as easily blown my nose with it and my life would not change in any way whatsoever. But, it could be that that $10 would mean a lot for this woman with few options. I suppose that was why she was asking. That $10 could also go to any number of other great causes. But they weren't standing there asking me. She was.

Give to all who ask. No, I am not going to do this for lots of reasons that make sense, like not wanting all the crack heads to start lining up. But this particular poor woman with a marginally credible story asked. Should I give to her, right now?

Drop in, Mark, drop in. I'm listening. Ask her a few more questions. Give yourself some space. God, help me. What's it to you, Mark? What's it to her? But... Breath. Listen...

It's Nice to Have an Engineer on the Project

2009-08-03T22:20:00.004-05:00

Only an engineer would come up with such an ingenious latching mechanism to keep Dawson safe at night.

Taxi Fare 2?

2009-08-01T09:36:00.002-05:00

A Chinese proverb is a common comeback in discussions about giving: “Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish and you feed him for a lifetime.”

It is hard to argue with it. I guess that is why it is a proverb, and a Chinese one at that. However, this proverb was no help the other night as I stood before the woman trying to discern the right thing to do. Here are my issues with using this proverb and the people who use it in situations like this.

It‘s too easy to throw it out there in a theoretical discussion about giving, primarily as an argument against giving. It seems like an attempt to justify the not giving while placing the non-giver on some higher moral plane. I didn’t see lots of people offering to teach this woman. Was I willing?
We are talking apples and oranges. This woman needed money to get to the bus station the next morning. Mentoring won’t help her get there by tomorrow. Mentoring will not get the utility bill paid before the cutoff date or relieve the immediate pangs of the hungry. Teaching is a long-term strategy. There is a difference between relief and development. You can enroll a starving child in a school, but he may not make it to the first class.
This proverb sets up a false dichotomy. It should not be give OR teach. How about both/and.
Since we are talking apples and oranges, then it is not appropriate to compare them. Teaching is not more moral or compassionate than giving, or visa-versa. Which one is more compassionate would depend on the situation.
You are not allowed to invoke this proverb unless you are giving and teaching. If you are not doing either, you are on the lowest moral plane and probably should keep quiet or at least be humble in discussions like this.

Bottom line: how could I best help this woman? Should I give her the money? Should I not give her the money and offer to mentor her so that in future situations like this she could afford to pay for her own taxi? Should I do both? Should I do neither? I know the proverb. It sounds great, but it got me no closer to a decision the other night.

Taxi Fare 1

2009-07-30T00:07:00.004-05:00

Last night I had to confront a common issue when hanging out with the homeless. A woman needed some money for taxi fare to make it to the bus station for a 5:50 am departure. She was staying the night off Geyer Springs and needed to be at the bus station in North Little Rock (probably 8-10 miles). The public transportation does not run that early. She showed me the bus ticket that was dated that day. She stated that she missed the bus this morning but could use the ticket tomorrow. Taxi fare would run $10-15. She wanted to go to El Dorado where her 22-year-old son lives.

What did I do? What would you do?

This encounter raises a whole bunch of issues, a discussion of which could occupy hours of small church group meetings (without ever having to do anything). The issues cut across social, political, and theological grounds. I have spent years having these kinds of debates in my mind and in small groups, which were all theoretical, of course.

Last night was not theoretical. I stood face to face with this woman who had waited in a line of about 75 homeless and poor to get a free meal. She had socks on, but no shoes (what the heck?!). She looked sad. There were no obvious signs of substance abuse or mental illness, though these things are not easy to identify in brief encounters. The story was not unlike many others I have heard over the years (Does this mean that it was just that, a story, or does it reflect the fact that the need for transportation is a basic one for the poor?). There was some legitimacy to parts of the story (the ticket) and other parts were not able to be verified in that short time.

Take your pick of issues.

Someone said that we should have a "policy" down there to not give out money. It's a simple policy. It is generally a good one. With this policy, you don't have to think, pray, use wisdom, or pay attention to your spirit. So, under this policy, we would look the woman in the eye and say, "I can't give you any money." And she goes away, with nothing, no closer to either getting her taxi fare or, if she were telling a false a story, getting whatever she really needed. God knows that they need a lot. She could have used a pair of shoes.

I could accept the no money rule as a general policy, but not a specific one. There may be cases where giving money is the right thing to do (we already know that there are many cases where it may not be the right thing to do). So, I say follow the policy, except when you don't, which really means that the policy is not of much help in the situation I had to face last night.

More on this later.

Contemplation

2009-07-24T18:09:00.002-05:00

"If you care about reading and contemplation, it is somewhat in your hands; the culture is very destructive of it right now."

"Individually, you can maintain your integrity in that regard. Individually, and as families, we can do that."

"But it's challenging. In this Blackberry/Twitter cu;ture, we are all prone to find in seductive."

The medium is the message.

Practice?

2009-07-05T23:15:00.003-05:00

We meet this young man named Eugene. He is 18 years old and is living in a temporary group home. He has lived in 6 different foster placements. He is sleeping on one of the beds we gave to the Angels of Mercy ministry. He is a student at ASU during the school year, but has no where to go during the summer. He is staying in this house by himself and has not had much contact with anyone for the past month.

He is a personable guy. What the heck, we invited him to come help us build last week. He jump on it. It beats sitting at home by himself watching TV. After we built, we turned off the saws and had some intense discussion time with the building group. On the ride home, he commented that he had never had a talk like that. He thanked me for our kindness to him.

This morning our new church, I had the following discussion with the pastor (paraphrased; it was more light-hearted than it probably comes across, but a serious issue).

ME: You need to hear about Eugene. He needs some of us to come along side of him. He has nobody. I don't know your congregation very well. What would happen if we brought Eugene to church?

I have this metaphor that people are like legos. They only have so many pegs and when all their pegs are filled up, there is no room for anyone else. Do the people at this church have their legos full?

G: I think we are no different than other churches. I think it is an issue of selfishness and unless we move beyond this selfishness then it is hard for us to reach out to the needs of others.

ME: Oh, man, you mean this church really is no different than other churches?

G: Well, we talk about following Jesus and him loving the needy in our community through us.

ME: So, the only difference is that you have great messages on Sunday morning (they are!).

G: Most people want to reach out but don't know what to do.

ME: They need to practice. If Eugene came to this church, then we would need to step up. We need to practice not just talking about it. You have to be attentive. He doesn't have much going on in his life right now. He is bored and needs a mentor, or at least some people to be kind to him. He would soak it up. He is a great guy and easy to get along with. It would be easy, inconvenient, but easy.

This seems like a no-brainer. Should we practice loving a orphan, minority, living in poverty that has no one? We come across people like this from time-to-time, if we started bringing them to church, would the congregation step up?

This raises some interesting questions about the church. First, many churches don't have to worry about responding to people like Eugene, because people like Eugene rarely coming across their path. Interesting to think why that might be the case. If a church is "no different than other churches", meaning that they contain people not inclined to be sensitive enough to notice someone like Eugene, much less respond with compassion, it is interesting to think what the heck the church is doing. If a church wants to be loving to people that have been disenfranchised by our cultural system but doesn't know how, what needs to happen? Is good preaching enough? Whatever it is, I would think it would require some intentional, well-directed effort.

Who Wrote This Song?

2009-06-30T21:50:00.002-05:00

I was pedeling hard in the gym at noon, about 40 minutes into a workout, when the following song came up on my ipod. Who would you guess wrote this?

Shining light, you always showed me
You always guide me.
I don't know where I'm goin'
Show me now.

I'm waiting to see you
I'm waiting to feel you around me again
Show me your love.
Show me your kind love
Share your compassion.
Let me feel mine
Shed your light all around me
Now that you've found me and I've found you

Shining light, what will you show me now?
What can I bring to you to stand in your glow?
Shining light, when will you show your love?
When can I see you and stand in your glow?

No, it was not written by some contemporary Christian songwriter. It was written by my man, the godfather of grunge, Neil Young. Keep on rockin' in the free world, Neil.

Tonight, Under the Bridge

2009-06-23T22:27:00.004-05:00

It was a restless night under the bridge tonight. Many were testy. It looked like a rough crowd. We served meals to about 50 homeless. I was wondering aloud if we would run out of food when a cynical homeless man told me not to worry that this was probably their 10th meal they had been served today. He went on to say that they do not eat much on Fridays and Saturdays because they were all off drinking and doing drugs. As I watched the line being served, I wondered about how much good, if any, was being done. Is this the best use of our time and money?

I’ve asked myself this question many times over the past several years. Most served under the bridge are chronically homeless – not much you can do for them except show them compassion. Some think that this type of thing contributes to the problem, a sort of enabling. Generally speaking, it is easy to see this and all the other stereotypes. It is easy to be cynical.

As I was reflecting on all this tonight, I also noticed one of the volunteers and a homeless man absorbed in conversation. They talked for a good half an hour. When it was time to leave, they embraced. At about that same time, a clear-eyed homeless man came up to me, looked me in the eye, shook my hand, and, with a look of gratitude, thanked me for serving him a meal tonight. These encounters would be easy to miss. I probably missed other opportunities for conversation, compassion, and gratitude tonight.

It is easy to see only goats and weeds; one has to pay attention to see the sheep and the wheat. Loving is a messy business - another good night of learning about it.

LuWanna's Kids Bed #1

2009-06-18T22:45:00.008-05:00

A coalition of the willing from R Street Community Church helped us cut out one complete bunk bed tonight. We should be ready to assemble next week.

This bed will go to two of LuWanna's children. She is a widow who is raising her four kids in poverty. As if that were not enough injustice, their house burned down about two weeks ago.

We hope to learn about love by loving them.

Yes, that stuff you see in the first picture is saw dust lite up by the flash. It's organic, so it must be okay to breathe the stuff.