Notes from the Journey

When I first started doing something about the insight that the Spirit gave me about not being a compassionate person the goal seemed simple: Just do it - start being compassionate. Stop being more concerned about yourself and whether you were going to be taken advantage of. Do it attentively and learn something.

Looking back, some of what I did was not the smartest. Much of what I did seemed to be more for my own benefit or need to change than for the good it caused. Much of what I did may actually have contributed more to the problems I was trying to help. But it seemed to be what needed to happen. At first, I wasn't trying to be a smart compassionate person, I was just trying to be compassionate period.

There is a mindset that the best way to help the poor is not to help them. Helping them just keeps them in their poverty. I know this mindset, because it was my mindset (a convenient mindset to have if you happen to be an uncharitable person, as I was). My problem was not so much with the mindset, but the fact that I was not compassionate.

What this meant for me was that I needed to build a bed for a poor kid and give it to the kid (or feed meals to the homeless). For me, that was progress.

Looking back, that approach was not not always the smartest one without some other considerations, but it was progress. That approach is not the smartest because the time, effort, and resources may not make it to the sheep. Some goats will get them (I have nothing against real goats, just these metaphorical ones).

But a journey implies movement and progress. I now feel it is time for me to be smarter about things. I feel God wants me to shepard the sheep. The goats do not want or need a shepard. Since it is not easy to sort out the two (these metaphorical mammals apparently must look very similar), some intelligent discerning is needed - not for the sake of my ego, time or money, but for the sake of the sheep. The sheep need our beds, our love, and our words of life. The goats might just sell the beds for crank. Having a $600 bunk bed (not including the time) be sold for $50 worth of crank is not smart. And we need to do all this while being even more compassionate.

This path will be a challenging and interesting part to my journey. I wasn't ready to take this path in the beginning. There was a more fundamental, and perhaps important, path I needed to walk down before I could properly walk down this one.

I will walk this alone if I have to, but it is not wise to hike alone.