On Being "Bold"

Last night, we worked on two headboards for the final two beds for Stacie's kids. At this point in time, I couldn't bring a glass of clean water to a cholera victim in Zimbabwe, or help the parents in the Congo find their missing kids, but I could build some headboards for some kids across town that do not have beds. We should have them done next week. Then we will have an opportunity to look into their eyes one more time. That's the best part. It is where the goodness of God intersects with their lives.

After we turned the saws off, we discussed the issue of "preaching" to others in one-on-one settings or with a few. I don't do it much anymore. Why? Good question. I try and follow my heart, and that is not where it leads me.

About two weeks after my "conversion" at 22 years of age, I was shadowing someone witnessing on the streets. TWO WEEKS! We use to go up to Whittier Blvd (from American Graffitti fame) on Friday and Saturday nights. It was a popular cruising strip with lots of young hoods. We would essentially preach to whoever. New to this Christian culture I found myself in, I learned how to do this type of street preaching. Did I know of what I was preaching? No. All I had were words in my head. No discipleship, just thrown out onto the streets with a mission. The mission? I was now in the club and they were out of the club. Our mission was to get them into the club, which just took a simple prayer. When that did happen (rarely, but it did happen), we would give them a copy of a pocket size new testament and be on our way. We were boldly racking up souls for heaven. What higher purpose could their be?

That was some kind of whacky theology. Discipleship was secondary. We were just plucking people out of the river, just upstream from the deadly waterfall. Who has time for discipleship? Who cared whether our being was changing or forming, or whether we were actually loving anyone? We reasoned that what we were doing was actually the highest form of love. No need to mess with the lower forms, those are nice, but secondary. We were being "bold", an admirable quality in that culture. To not be meant we were ashamed of the gospel. I now wonder, could it be the fear and shame we fought off in doing this type of bold evangelism was not that at all, but was really our hearts trying to get us to pay attention to its leading - stop what you are doing, you first have to learn to love.

Have I lost my boldness? Should I work to regain that type of boldness?

I like to think I have learned something over the years. I like to think I have progressed rather than regressed. As well intentioned as I remember we were at that time, I think we had no clue how to sense the presence of God in and around us. We were operating from some other place. Our interactions with people were one-sided. We were not different than the Mormon or Jehovah's Witness missionaries. We had no interest in learning something in the interaction. We had no real love for the people. We were telling, not asking. And we did so oblivious to unitended consequences.

The Hippocrates Oath is to first do no harm. When all you know to do is drive a bulldozer into interactions, people are going to be harmed. I question how much good being bold in an untrained, immature, spriritually unformed manner does. I did see some "good" things happen; however, I was blind to the harm that surely followed in our wakes. Where else does the nonChristian culture get their jadedness, except through things like this?

I didn't need to be on the streets preaching two weeks after my conversion. I needed to learn from a master for three years. I needed to retreat to the desert for three years to learn from God.

Now, when I go under the bridge, I rarely preach to any of the homeless. They get that before each meal everyday - it is required to eat. I practice something else. I want to become the kind of person that loves them. I want to learn to tap into the divine resouces that will allow me to practice exceptional love and mercy - Luke 6 stuff. I want to learn to do what it takes to actually help and not harm. All that is hard. Preaching "boldly" without all this is easy, but likely produces unintended harm. The power is in the love, not in the boldness. Can both be done? Yes, but the preaching and boldness must be subsequent to being a loving person in the inner being. So, if you want to talk about how to pull this off, I am interested. I am not interested in boldly climbing into the bulldozer. That's too easy and uninteresting.