Transformation 6

Posts 3-5 in this series are on Facebook.  I can't decide which forum to post on.


Another one of my top five life changes happened at 21 years of age. Part of the impetus for that change may have been the coming of age thing. I had been living the post-teen life; you know that phase where you are out of high school, but still doing the high school thing - going to parties, hanging with friends, living at home. What gets you out of this mode? I know some people that never got out of that mode.

When I was in high school there was this guy called "Beer Man." We never knew his real name. He had long blonde hair with a slightly receding hairline and a beer belly. I never knew how old he was; he looked to be in his 30's. I knew he was over 21 because several times per week he would ride his bike past our house to the liquor store to pick up a six-pack. He was at all the high school parties. He lived at home with his mother.
I had another friend, Steve (we called him "Madre" because he called everybody mother). He was a body and paint guy. I was a mechanic, so we hung out. He always had a driveway full of cars in various states of body repair. Last year I visited his house when I was home for my grandmother’s funeral. He still lives in his parents’ house and his driveway looked like it did 30 years ago. Apparently, coming of age does not always result in life change. Some people never really strive for change or transformation.

Steve and I frequently talked about “taking off,” mostly when we were high. I was in favor of actually planning and saving some money, but Steve wanted to just leave with the change in our pockets and hop a train. I remember the day when I determined that it was time for me to break out of the rut my life seemed to be in. It wasn't going anywhere. I woke up the morning after a party that teenagers dream about, at least the ones I hung out with. In one of my typical morning after, guilt-ridden, self-punishing ways, I drove over to Steve’s house and asked him if he were ready to take off. Turns out, he was all talk. Nevertheless, I had resolve.

At the time, I was restoring a 1961 Ford Econoline van in my parent’s garage. I had determined that I would leave once the van was finished. That also gave me time to save some money and find someone to go with me. Even then, I had a sense that change is easier when done with someone else. I shared by plan with several friends and coworkers. The plan was to take off with no destination in mind, to travel to places across the country until the money ran out, work for a while, and take off again. Most everyone that I talked with thought this was an awesome idea, but when it came down to it, none would commit to go with me.

One guy I worked with at the auto parts store agreed to go with me. I can't remember his name, but he had a distinctive afro. We spent many evenings smoking dope and talking about where we will go and what we would do. After months of planning, I have a vivid memory of the night he came to my door with his head down to tell me that he couldn’t go – something about going back to school; what kind of excuse is that?

Do I stay at home, living in the same old rut, or go by myself? That seems to be the story of my life. All the talk about community sounds good, but often, with change, when it comes right down to it, I haven’t been that lucky. I determined to go it alone.

The afternoon I left, about 15 my friends and family stood in my parents’ driveway in a line. I went down the line saying my goodbyes one-by-one. Linda, my girlfriend of four years at the time, was the last in line. I never made it to her, she ran off crying into the house.

I climbed into my newly restored, freshly painted van, cranked up my man, Neil Young, and drove off with the balloons tied to the antennae flapping in the wind, with a flick of the wrist, waving goodbye to an old way of life. It was a new beginning.


Change takes courage. It's scary. It requires a certain tenacity. It helps when the status quo isn't happening for you.