Tonight, Under the Bridge, Blogger Edition (or too deep for Facebook edition)

This is what I posted on Facebook, jump down if you read it there.

It was another interesting time under the bridge tonight. Each week, as I drive down there, I question whether what I am doing is right and good. I have had persistently mixed feelings about what we were doing. Each night, as I drive away, I reflect on what I saw. Tonight, we ran out of food for the first time. We handed out the 84th soft drink can and there were still about 25 people in line.

Some feel that feeding the chronically homeless enables their lifestyle, which for some is one of drugs and violence. Some feel that it is an act of compassion for the least, lost, and last in our society. I have been hanging out under the bridge long enough to know that both of these views are generalizations. Tonight, there were over 100 people in line under the bridge, enough people to support whatever attitude or bias you might have – drug addicts, alcoholics, the lazy, the mentally ill, ex-cons, the belligerent, the violent, the lonely, the scared, the disabled, the unlucky, the poor, the poor in spirit.

Some ask me why I continue to go down there with such mixed feelings. It is a great question. I started going down there and continue to for reasons of spiritual formation. I think asking the question “Is it the right things to do?” is the wrong question. The questions I have been asking more recently are: "Will I be able to perceive the one that is needy? Will that person perceive that I can be trusted?"

One can see what one wants in a crowd like tonight. What did I see tonight? I saw a frightened 9 year old little girl gripping the hands of her mother and father at the end of the line. I had compassion on her and wondered about her story. I shook the stump of an unexpectedly cheerful man with deformed limbs and face. I saw many with sad eyes and guarded attitudes.

I heard Jerry, who recently got off the streets, enthusiastically describe the quality of sleep he has been having on the bed we gave him recently. He took the bus out from West Little Rock to be under the bridge tonight. He helped us set up. He did not eat. He seemed to be on the periphery of many the group conversations I had tonight. I wondered if he was lonely. Why does he seem to shadow me down there, but stay just outside the group? I wanted to invite him in, but didn’t. I wanted him to bust out of those thoughts and feelings that kept him outside. I hated that he might see me as being inside at a place he wasn't invited.

Down there it is easy to be overwhelmed with the sordid majority and miss the exceptions. I have to drop in and look for them. It is they who keep me coming back. It is my awkward and inadequate response to those few that keep me coming back to try again. I need more practice in this exceptional training ground.

Few ever go down there. Others go down there for different reasons,I understand that. But I want to go down there and join with others who desire a similar journey. Unfortunately, few do. I am not sure I fully understand why.

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The last question really puzzles me. I don't mean people doing good things. I mean people who not only focus on doing good, but also on the process of becoming good. Why are their few examples, few mentors, few mentees, or few groups to join? Why does one have to look so hard and feel so alone in the process?

Since I have been going under the bridge, I have paid as much attention to those serving as those being served. Few people are doing good things, fewer still are doing good things and trying to become good. The majority of people who serve under the bridge stay behind the tables. That’s okay. Good works are just that, good. No need for anyone to justify why they are doing good things. But, what about the spiritual formation opportunities? That seems like an endeavor that would be appealing to followers of Jesus and, therefore, should be evident.

I suspect the answer is a fairly banal one – people are just busy. Busy with work, with painting their kitchen, with going to their kids sports activities. Is it really that basic a reason? I want to think that there is something more grand and sinister at work, such as some underlying theological error. Maybe not. Maybe it is just that third soil, the cares of the world. What a letdown. Are we that easily distracted? Talk about power and majesty. Is it really that weak? Can you help me out here?