In my previous two posts in this series, I have been trying to set up a situation so I can float my idea that I have had a hard time articulating. Bear with me as I stuggle to do so.
What should I do if I find myself somewhere off the ridge on the right side? I have some insight that I am not a particularly compassionate person and I know I am not doing many good works. I don’t quite have the proper attitude or motive, that is, God’s grace has not rained down on me and transformed me into a compassionate person. And I don’t particularly want to jump over the ridge and start doing good things for the wrong reasons. That would just be another exercise in missing the point.
Got the situation? If I am not on the path, how do I get there? How do I get from the bottom of the right side of the ridge to the path on the ridge without slipping down the other side?
What I did through much of my Christian life was to pray and do other "non-doing" spiritual activities (e.g., talk, listen, read) – essentially waiting. The counsel I had seemed to get was, by all means, to avoid the left side of the cliff. I heard lots of warnings about that, even as I was at the bottom of the right side of the ridge. I was encourage to "minister out of the overflow." The implicit message was to not minister until you were overflowing. If you were not overflowing, then fill yourself up first. Essential wait before you act. In my case, this approach did not exactly overwhelm me with transformation. Could this be a failed, misguided strategy?
Here is where my previously unarticulated idea comes in. Maybe there is another option. This other option would be to practice being compassionate even when you know you are not, but to do so wanting to be compassionate. Maybe I should practice compassion as a means of becoming compassionate - a kind of spiritual discipline.
The encouragement would be to get off my knees and go do something. Do it for the practice. Do it acknowledging that my heart is in the wrong place, do it prayerfully, and do it attentively.
I practice this when I go down under the bridge. When I first started going, I did not feel very compassionate toward the homeless. I felt more doubt and confusion than compassion. I did it anyway. I asked God to let me see the people like he saw them. I asked God to show me why I did not have compassion on them. I looked them in the eyes and listened to them. I looked for the movement of God among them. When I started doing this, things started happening within and around me.
The point? That's what I have had trouble articulating. It has to do with the means of transformation. Maybe doing or practice is a necessary part of spiritual formation. Maybe we are more easily led when we are doing than when we are waiting. To reframe some common teaching I have received:
Maybe we should start ministering even though our cup is not full. Maybe our cup will be made full as we are ministering.
Maybe we should do something even though we don't feel called. Maybe the call will come as we do something.
Maybe we should trust instead of being afraid. Isn't that one reason we don't move? Are we afraid that if we do, we will be moving without God? Maybe God is waiting for us to move first because that is how he wants to teach us and change us.
Does any of this make sense?
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